I don't know what's wrong with me, but sometimes I get sad and cry for no reason. I think maybe it's because in the past I was sexually abused. But no one knows about it except for me and the person who did it to me. Could you please help me? —Anonymous, 17, Gonzales, Texas
I'm so sorry for what you're going through. You're perceptive to wonder if the sexual abuse and crying spells are connected. Often when people go through a trauma like the one you did, they somehow get through it at the time — but then the effects of the abuse eventually show themselves in random, unrelated ways.
This is likely what you're going through — your emotions are sending a signal to you that it's time to heal what's been hurt. And since you're the only one who knows, it's really up to you to take the first step to start your healing process. Can you talk to one of your parents about this? Anyone in your family? Just tell them exactly what you told me (you can even show them this column as a way to start the conversation).
Say that you've been feeling very sad for no reason and that you went through something in your past that you were always too afraid to reveal, but now you feel you have to because it's affecting your life too negatively. And then just give the details of what happened: how it started and everything else you can remember. Then ask them to help put you in touch with a therapist.
What you're revealing will be highly emotional to them, so they might want to immediately press charges or even call the person who did this to you. But tell them you will need the help of a professional first to help you deal with all that. If you and your family have no idea what the next step should be, call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE for some guidance. You can also call them if you feel like there's no way you can confide in someone in your family — they provide free, confidential counseling 24 hours a day. They can at least help you create a game plan. But it's up to you to take that first step so you can stop suffering the consequences of the crime you had to live through. I will be thinking of you.
These past few days it's been hard because my friend's mad at me and ignores me — like she doesn't want to be my friend anymore. I'm sure there's a reason she's mad, but she won't tell me, and when my other friends ask her why, she just says, "I don't want to talk about it." I still want to be friends with her. What should I do? —Anonymous, 13, Los Angeles
For starters, you should stop asking your other friends to act as a go-between for you and your friend, and talk to her yourself. I know you've already tried, but you'll have a better chance of getting her to be mature if you're doing the same. Catch her when she's alone and say: "I can sense that something's upsetting you and get the feeling it involves me. Can you tell me so we can talk about it? I'd never want to hurt you on purpose." If she still refuses to answer, tell her again how important she is to you and that when she's ready to discuss things, you'll be there. Then give her space — eventually she will be ready to talk. Other than putting yourself out there, there's not much else you can do.
Questions may be sent directly to Atoosa Rubenstein at: dearseventeen@hearst.com. Atoosa Rubenstein, the founding editor of CosmoGirl! magazine, is the editor in chief of Seventeen magazine. © King Features Syndicate Inc.