"It's been a hard year."
So says Mel Gibson as he nears the finish line for his very personal, very controversial film.
On Wednesday, Gibson will release into 2,000 theaters "The Passion of the Christ," the $25 million film he conceived, directed, co-wrote and personally financed.
The film has been a dozen years in gestation "and finally comes out now, whelping like a baby," Gibson says.
But it also comes with a flood of controversy, which has grown more heated over the past year.
Is the depiction of the role of Jewish leaders in Jesus' death anti-Semitic, as some have charged?
Will filmgoers accept a subtitled film in which all dialogue is in the ancient, dead languages of Aramaic and Latin?
Are the very realistic, very graphic R-rated depictions of the scourging and crucifixion of Christ too violent, even for modern audiences?
"It is very violent," Gibson readily admits. "You're watching a man being tortured to death, but as lyrically and as beautifully as I can film it. I hope (my method) allows audiences to stay there and experience it."
Filmgoers will see an unflinching account of scourging that rips skin and draws much blood, the nails driving Christ's hands onto the cross, the spear piercing his side and much, much more. "It's shocking, horrific and repulsive, but should provoke thought," Gibson says.
"I think it's necessary to push people to the edge for an understanding of the enormity and the innocence of what happened — and that it was willingly done."
Perhaps to stress the nature of his project, Gibson is releasing it on Ash Wednesday, a day of fasting that begins the Christian Lenten season, a period of reflection and penance.
But why would Gibson, a highly regarded Oscar-winning actor and director whose action epics and romantic comedies have made him wealthy, risk his career on such a volatile project as the crucifixion of Christ?
He says despite his success, he hit an emotional low several years ago, which caused him to renew his faith.
"Life is a scarring experience for everybody. Nobody gets off light. It doesn't matter if you make a lot of dough; you hit the wall and ask the big question: 'Why am I empty? What do I need to do?'
"Gradually, an answer takes shape," Gibson says. "It's an evolution of heart, but it's not possible until you begin to worry that you don't have a heart. And you wonder where it went."
Gibson is Catholic, specifically a Traditionalist, a member of a conservative branch of Catholicism that espouses the Latin Mass and opposes many of the liberalities of the Vatican II council of the 1960s. By turning back to his Catholic faith, Gibson found himself thinking about making a film of Christ's arrest, trial, torturing and death.
"If you look at the world, there are so many mixed messages, contradictions, inhumanities," he says. "It's a time to talk about a basic message of tolerance and love."
Gibson began work on a screenplay about Christ's final hours with veteran writer Benedict Fitzgerald.
"I'm a disciplined writer by profession," Fitzgerald says. "Mel's a brotherly muse. His intuition and intelligence are remarkable."
Gibson always wanted the film to be in the original ancient languages. "But we originally thought we could do it with no subtitles," Fitzgerald says. "Then we realized that people have to understand what is being said in certain scenes, so we opted for subtitles."
Gibson says, "I wanted to transcend language with image; to have it be the main thing. I want the film to be visceral."
Once the script was written (in English), Gibson brought in a Jesuit scholar who specializes in Aramaic and Latin — the Rev. William Fulco of Loyola Marymount University — to translate. Fulco also offered technical advice and occasionally served as chaplain for the cast and crew.
Fulco became aware of Gibson's more conservative views, but the priest says it never bothered him.
"My viewpoint is that the church is a very big tree in which many colorful birds make their nests. And Mel is a pretty colorful bird."
In the days before its release, "The Passion of the Christ" has already been a provocation for some who fear the film will open old wounds from a dark time when Jews were baited as Christ-killers. Some fear the depictions of a particularly vile Caiphas (the Jewish high priest). There were also early reports that Gibson would use a particularly troublesome biblical line — "His blood be on us, and on our children" — that, in earlier times, was used to fuel hatred of Jewish people.
Gibson denies that his film is anti-Semitic.
"If you delve into politics and religion, you'll touch some nerves," he says.
Gibson also carries a bit of baggage into the project that worries some of his critics. A New York Times Magazine feature last year portrayed Gibson's father, also a Catholic Traditionalist, as a religious extremist who denies the Holocaust, saying as recently as the week before the film's opening that the murder of millions of Jews was exaggerated.
Gibson apparently doesn't share his father's view, telling Diane Sawyer in an interview recently that he certainly believes the Holocaust occurred.
Gibson's brand of Catholicism has opened him to other attacks. Though Traditionalists do not necessarily disavow all the work of Vatican II, one of the council's actions was to absolve the Jewish people in the death of Christ.
Gibson also has told reporters he thinks the Holy Spirit helped guide him in the making of "The Passion," a quote which he says opened him up to further ridicule.
"I've had a rough ride here. I think the last year has been very character building. It's been a case of building tolerance.
"Of course, it's personal," he says, "If you can't attack the message, attack the man. But I think I've grown."
Romanian actress Maia Morgenstern plays Mary. Morgenstern, who is Jewish and the daughter of Holocaust survivors, finds no anti-Semitism in the film.
"It speaks for all of us about love and tolerance. It has a strong social message — and a tough one. Don't let yourself be manipulated by your leaders. They aren't always fair. The Jewish people of that time were very poor and very oppressed and terrorized by the Roman occupation. When someone tells them, 'This man is evil; this is why you suffer,' they don't think for themselves."
"Many people have criticized the film before seeing it," she says, "That bothers me."
James Caviezel, the 35-year-old who plays Jesus, says he wouldn't be involved in a project if he thought it was anti-Semitic. "This film is brilliant, at the end of the day, because of its humanity." he says.
"It's like what you see when you look at the Pieta," he says of a sculpture depicting the Virgin Mary clutching the dead body of Christ. "Do you have to be religious to appreciate that? No. Just human.
"Mel Gibson has made a film that will stand the test of time."