Back in the Middle Ages when I grew up, girls weren't involved in organized sports much. Basically, if you were a girl interested in sports, you just sat in the stands wearing your wimple and your chastity belt and cheered on the boys.
I've heard that all changed with Title IX, which I think is totally great — RIGHT ON, SISTERS! — but the truth is I've spent zero time watching women's teams since then because I don't have daughters, although I do have five sons, which means sometimes my attendance has been required at upwards of 15 games per week.
YES! I LOVE GOING TO 15 BOY GAMES A WEEK!
The good news is that I finally had a chance to watch girls play, because our ward's young women's basketball team just went to Regions. So did the boys' team. This gave me a firsthand opportunity to observe the differences between "Girls Church Ball" and "Boys Church Ball." (See a general definition of "church ball" below.)
CHURCH BALL: A program designed to give young athletes and their parents a chance to develop good sportsmanship. NOT.
OK. Let me say right up front that both teams certainly knew how to play ball. The girls could dribble and shoot and commit personal fouls as well as the boys could. Still, some interesting differences emerged.
The first difference I noticed is that no one said anything about underwear at the first of the girls' game, not even about unnatural underwear such as thongs.
On the other hand, A LOT was said about underwear at the first of the boys' game. I, naturally, was very interested because "underwear" has always been an issue at our house.
It was an issue when my boys were younger, mostly because they didn't want to wear it. "Are you guys wearing underwear today or are you just trying to fake me out again?" I would say as we left the house. I so did NOT want a repeat of that time the kids and I went to the pediatrician's where I discovered (YIKES!) that nobody but me (and presumably the doctor) was wearing underwear.
These days underwear is an issue at our house because they ARE wearing it. Hello. You can totally see it hanging out over their jeans . . . even if you don't want to see it. WHICH I DON'T.
"Keep your pants pulled up," the ref barked at the beginning of the boys' game. "If you don't, I'll kick you out of the game. Also, if you're wearing thong underwear, I'll beat you up first, and then I'll kick you out of the game." At least that's what I think the ref said. He also made them take out their earrings, which was another difference. The girls got to keep their studs in.
Another difference? The squealing thing. Squealing — like pinching and slapping and pulling hair — is something you don't really encounter much in a house full of males. Girls, on the other hand, have as many types of "squeals" as Alaskans have words for "snow." There's the squeal that means "Yes! I made a basket!" There's the squeal that means "Yes! My best friend made a basket!" And of course there's the squeal that means "Yikes! These shorts make my rear look big!"
The biggest difference, however, was in the level of politeness exhibited by both the boys and the girls. When boys run each other over, they help each other up just so they can mow each other down again. When the girls run into each other — at least in church ball — they say things like "Oops!" or "Sorry!" or "My bad!" My favorite moment came when one of the spectators (my son) yelled "Nice steal!" The girl responsible smiled at us cheerfully and shouted, "Thanks!"
Of all the things that would never ever happen in a boys' game . . .
E-mail: acannon@desnews.com