The title "The Whole Ten Yards" doesn't make a whole lot of sense. But then again, very little does in this painfully unfunny sequel.
Not that anyone could possibly be surprised, since "The Whole Nine Yards," a hit in 2000, while mildly amusing didn't exactly cry out for a sequel. There is no reason for this follow-up except the obvious economic concerns.
So, here comes a sequel — bereft of any firm concept and devoid of any real laughs. In fact, it's possibly the laziest, lamest comedy to come along in awhile. (It brings to mind "Analyze That," the dreadful sequel to "Analyze This.")
"The Whole Ten Yards" catches up with the characters a couple of years later.
Panicky dentist Nicholas "Oz" Oseransky (Matthew Perry) is living in Brentwood with his new wife, Cynthia (Natasha Henstridge), and he's still in a constant state of fear. But he seems to have good reason, as Hungarian gangster Lazlo Gogolak (Kevin Pollak) is out of prison and out for revenge, having learned of the death of his son (played in the first film by Pollak). So his goons kidnap Cynthia, hoping — correctly — that Oz will turn to his former neighbor, hitman Jimmy "The Tulip" Tudensky (Bruce Willis).
But Jimmy has apparently become domestic and left the killing business behind. However, his wife, Jill (Amanda Peet), hasn't, and she's keen to have Jimmy return to his old blood-thirsty ways.
Director Howard Deutch and screenwriter George Gallo have shown in the past they're capable of decent things (Deutch directed "Pretty in Pink"; Gallo wrote "Midnight Run"). But both have sunk to new lows with this film. In fact, they seem to be making up this garbage as they go along, calling on Perry to either fall down or run into things, and for Willis to grimace through one humiliating situation after another.
"The Whole Ten Yards" is rated PG-13 for violence (shootings, some slapstick and explosive mayhem), crude humor involving sexual and other bodily functions, occasional use of strong profanity, simulated sex (overheard), brief drug content (anesthetic use), and brief male nudity. Running time: 99 minutes.
E-MAIL: jeff@desnews.com