LOS ANGELES — As if the sniping, snarky network executives weren't enough to keep us amused, critics had battling billionaires to entertain them during this summer's press tour.
The problem is — in a battle between Donald Trump and Mark Cuban, there's nobody to root for. There's no good guy.
Although, honestly, as much as I never, ever thought I'd say this, my vote goes to Trump, who seems to have at least acquired a sense of humor about himself.
As with any fight among children, the question of "Who started it?" arises. And, yes, Trump talked about Cuban before Cuban talked about Trump, but only in response to a question and only because he appeared before critics three days earlier.
Trump did say that Cuban's forthcoming ABC reality show "The Benefactor" is a rip-off of his show, "The Apprentice." And Cuban has been beating up on Trump through postings on his Web site for weeks. Months.
Trump said he likes Cuban and he wishes him well with "The Benefactor." Sort of.
"I just want him to do better with the show than he's done with (his) Dallas (Mavericks) basketball team," Trump said. "I do. I really do."
Trump continued, "I would like to see him do well on the show because I think there's room for other knock-offs of 'The Apprentice.' "
Oooooooh ...
When his turn arrived, Cuban responded by poking at a sore spot in Trump's business empire.
"All I want to say is I wish Donald nothing but the best for 'The Apprentice 2.' And I hope it does as well as his casinos do," Cuban said.
Oooooooh ...
Then he got rather childish. Cuban insisted that he was approached by "Apprentice" producer Mark Burnett and told, " 'We're looking for somebody to come after the Donald and replace him at some point. Would you be interested?' I just told them, 'Look, you don't come after dogs. You don't come after kids. And you don't come after the Hair.'
"I don't want to do anything like his show. His show is his deal. Ours is completely different."
Which was the mantra for Cuban and his executive producers. Although their idea of "completely different," and everyone else's idea of "completely different" seem to be, well, somewhat different.
"I can understand why people would think that this is a rip-off, but the similarities end with we have a billionaire making decisions on who's going to stay and who's going to go," said executive producer Clay Newbill.
Oh, then, I guess there really are no similarities. In "The Apprentice," 16 contestants compete at various challenges and a billionaire decides who gets to stay and who gets eliminated as they build toward a finale in which just one person wins the ultimate prize — a six-figure prize and a job in the Trump organization.
In "The Benefactor," 16 contestants compete at various challenges and a billionaire decides who gets to stay and who gets eliminated as they build toward a finale in which just one person wins the ultimate prize — a million bucks.
"In that show the winner gets a job. In our show the winner doesn't need a job," Cuban said. "They're completely different."
Oh, yes, completely different.
The real nastiness came from the executive producers of "The Benefactor."
"You watch (Trump) and you don't see anything there," said executive producer Todd Wagner. "With Mark, the charisma is part of what comes through in this show.
"If anybody watched the finale you saw the pain of watching Trump read off cue cards? I mean, you see a guy that's tortured in his own life. You see some of these people and they're like cut-out dolls and you wonder — does he actually sweat? Does he go to the bathroom? Does he actually live in that house? With Mark, you see a real person."
There's no doubt that Cuban is indeed much more a TV "natural" than is Trump. He has considerably more charisma and, in person, he can charm you into thinking he's a great guy.
Until you listen a little more closely to what he's saying, that is. Cuban sat in front of critics and almost piously talked about how he doesn't want to be "defined by my bank account, and hopefully that comes across." That he's just a "regular guy."
"They would try to get me to say, 'As a billionaire ...' and I couldn't say it," Cuban said. "I'm just myself. I have no airs to put on for anybody. Like me, hate me, I don't give a damn.
"From an outside perspective, can I add that it's a struggle just to get Mark to confess he's a billionaire," Newbill said.
So, then, what about that clip ABC showed us with Cuban bragging about how he could write a check bigger than Donald Trump's and not even know the money was missing? Did the producers hold a gun to his head and force him to read from their script?
"No, they didn't make me say it," Cuban admitted before stammering and turning to Newbill for help. Backtracking furiously, Cuban insisted, "It wasn't something that I felt comfortable saying and I told it to them then."
Gee, he looked pretty darn comfortable in the clip. He came across just as sincere as he does when he's telling you that he doesn't want to be defined by his bank account. Odd coincidence, isn't it?
The fact is that "The Apprentice" got there first. And, no matter how they came about, "The Benefactor" and Fox's "The Billionaire" (featuring billionaire Richard Branson), can't help but look like clones.
"It seems crazy" to Burnett that "two really successful" men (Cuban and Branson) "choose to be, at best, second or third" with the reality shows. "Because they can't possibly be at the top. That is not possible."
It's only bragging if you can't back it up. And here's betting neither "The Benefactor" nor "The Billionaire" can top "The Apprentice" in the ratings.
Now, if only Branson had shown up here to entertain us some more... .
Late-night with Cuban
There's no question who will win the ratings battle between Donald Trump and Mark Cuban here in Utah, based simply on the time slots.
The 90-minute premiere of "The Apprentice 2" is scheduled for Thursday, Sept. 9, at 7:30 p.m. on NBC/Ch. 5, with subsequent hourlong episodes airing Thursdays at 8 p.m.
But "The Benefactor" will run into ABC's Mountain Time Zone quandary. Cuban's show is designed to air before "Monday Night Football" in the Eastern and Central Time Zones, after "MNF" in the Pacific Time Zone ... and it's up to ABC affiliates in this time zone to find someplace to put it. KTVX-Ch. 4 will air it at 2:05 a.m. — early Tuesday — beginning on Sept. 14.
E-mail: pierce@desnews.com