HOUSE OF WAX — * — Elisha Cuthbert, Chad Michael Murray, Paris Hilton; rated R (violence, gore, profanity, vulgarity, brief sex, brief drugs, nude artwork).
The new remake of "House of Wax" proves it's actually possible for a movie to get dumber as it goes along. Along with its characters.
This new "House of Wax" is just more of the same from the Dark Castle folks, the production company responsible for "Thir13en Ghosts" and "House on Haunted Hill," two equally dim-witted, gory remakes of fun 1950s horror classics.
As with those two, "House of Wax" isn't remotely scary — unless you count the presence of negligibly talented pseudo-celebrity Paris Hilton, who's less lifelike and considerably more waxy than the wax figures on display.
The plot here is derived less from the first film and more from the modern standard horror formula: Six twentysomethings get lost on their way to the big game and stumble into one of those tiny communities where bad things happen.
Carly Jones (Elisha Cuthbert) and her boyfriend Wade (Jared Padalecki) head into town to get parts to repair his broken-down vehicle. But instead, they find a mysterious wax museum with disturbingly lifelike statues.
Meanwhile, her bad-seed twin brother Nick (Chad Michael Murray) and the others left behind start to get worried when Carly and Wade don't return. And who can blame them, considering how squirrelly the local service-station owner (Brian Van Holt) is acting.
Twin screenwriters Chad and Carey Hayes try to get mileage out of the good-twin-evil-twin motif — and believe it or not, that plot element is done completely straight-faced. Although there are other, albeit unsuccessful, attempts at humor.
Director Jaume Serra ups the gore quotient in lieu of scares, and there are scenes here that are definitely not for the squeamish.
To be fair to Hilton, she's not the only cast member who fails to register. Of this cast, the only one who really seems to be trying is Murray — but given the one-note manner in which his character is written, it's hardly worth the effort.
"House of Wax" is rated R for strong horror violence (shootings, stabbings, impaling, violence against women and some explosive mayhem), graphic gore, occasional use of strong sexual profanity, crude sexual humor and some suggestive references, brief sexual content, brief drug content (use of a hypodermic) and some nude artwork (wax sculptures). Running time: 105 minutes.
E-mail: jeff@desnews.com