Question: I am a young Hispanic male living in the Dallas area. I own a business and have done extremely well for myself in my education and military service. When I achieved financial security, I was able to live in a nicer part of town and experience a lifestyle that I desired.
After moving into my new complex, it became increasingly apparent that I was the only Hispanic resident living there. In little more than a month, it also became apparent that I was not welcome. Dirty looks, stares, lack of conversation, the question of "Excuse me, but do you speak English?" and derogatory notes left on my vehicle are frequent occurrences. The only people who talk to me are members of the maintenance staff, who are all Hispanic.
After much unneeded and undeserved stress and grief, I have decided to pack my belongings and leave. I feel like a coward, but I also know that I cannot live in a community in which I am not accepted. Home to me has always meant warmth, not pain. Am I doing the right thing?
Danny: I feel for you, bro. There is nothing wrong with wanting warmth, respect and inclusion from the community where you choose to live. This just goes to show you that being a well-educated, successful Latino does not provide automatic acceptance or grant an all-access pass when living among "the majority." So much for diversifying the neighborhood.
"En mi opinisn," you have control of only one thing here: deciding who you are and what you can make of yourself. You can stay there and lead the way for the rest of us, or you can move on to your warmer place. There is no cowardice in wanting to belong to your community. Be wary of needing or looking for acceptance and continue to build on your strengths while living with a purpose.
Lily: I, too, have ventured into "exclusive" neighborhoods and felt people were thinking I was either lost or somebody's nanny/housekeeper.
I'll tell you what finally made me see another side to this "moneda." After a workout one day, my girlfriend invited me to dinner. I figured we were going to get a burger and take it home. Wrong! She took me to this awesome Mediterranean restaurant where these socialites were hanging out beside their Porsches and Ferraris, drinking martinis. And there we were, in washed-out workout clothes with our hair in scrunchies.
I looked over at my friend, and you would have thought she was the queen of the prom. I was trying to hide behind every column while she mingled with all the beautiful people. When we were seated, I inched toward her and told her that people were staring at us. I attributed it to the fact that we were the only two minorities there — besides being so underdressed.
"That's your opinion," she said. "I think they're looking because I am a confident person who is having a blast with my beautiful friend." I just wish everyone had an Ericka in their lives.
So about your situation: While you might be experiencing some people's lack of love for the brown, make sure you aren't buying into your own insecurities.
Catherine: Whether real or perceived, the prejudice you are feeling is very real to you, and that can be crippling. If you decide to stay, don't be a martyr. Instead, be the initiator. Don't let people wonder if you speak English. Start a conversation with your neighbors about work, family, life, etc. You can reach out to them and give them a chance to get to know you.
GLOSSARY:
en mi opinisn: in my opinion
moneda: coin
We want your questions! Consejos is a bilingual advice column focused on relationships, culture and identity. E-mail your questions or comments to consejos@dallasnews.com. Or send your letters to Consejos, c/o Texas Living, The Dallas Morning News, 508 Young St., Dallas, TX 75202. Visit Lily, Catherine and Danny online at DallasNews.com/consejos. © The Dallas Morning News Universal Press Syndicate