We professional journalists don't like doing interviews with stars by e-mail. We much prefer the spontaneity of a face-to-face encounter, or at least the veracity of an ear-to-ear telephone interview.
But sometimes a TV or movie star shines with such magnitude that we'll take any opportunity, and use any means, to speak to him or her — even if we have to submit our questions via e-mail.
Such is the case, of course, with Kermit the Frog.
One of the giants (metaphorically) of the entertainment industry during the past half century, a frog who catapulted out of the swamp and into our living rooms, Kermit has agreed to give up some of his carefully guarded privacy and meet the press (figuratively) on the occasion of the release of the first season of "The Muppet Show," from 1976, on DVD (four discs, Buena Vista Home Entertainment, $39.99, not rated).
Question: Kermit, thanks for doing this e-mail interview. One question immediately comes to mind: How can frogs type? Are you able to do so because, unlike other frogs, you have five fingers on each hand, er, limb?
Kermit: Hw cn frgoos typeee? Bdly. . . . Just pulling your leg, er, arm, er, limb. Whatever.
Question: Legend has it that you made your first TV network appearance at the age of 1o, in 1956, on Steve Allen's "Tonight Show." What do you remember about that experience?
Kermit: Unlike most legends, this one is on tape. And it's true, the great Steve Allen had the Muppets on his show back in 1956. By that time, we already had a local show in Washington, D.C., called "Sam and Friends" that ran for five minutes each night.
Steve gave us our first big break (and even after we broke it, he invited us back several times) and that led to appearances on a lot of other shows. As for that first night: We were fine once we got over our initial jitters and settled into a mild panic.
Question: Of course, you first came to national attention on "Sesame Street," beginning in 1969. What was it like being a teenager and getting noticed?
Kermit: Amphibiously speaking, I wasn't actually a teenager at that time. (We frogs calculate our age not by the calendar, but by how many highways we're able to cross successfully.) That said, "Sesame Street" really got all of us noticed. Lucky for me, it's pretty easy to avoid the paparazzi when you're standing next to an 8-foot-tall yellow bird.
Question: "The Muppet Show," which premiered in 1976, was the first show in which you were clearly the star. How did you feel about having such responsibility?
Kermit: It was a huge responsibility being the host of a show that aired in 200 countries around the world, but I never really obsessed about it; I was too busy running away from an amorous pig.
Question: The pilot for "The Muppet Show," made in 1974, featured you for only a few seconds. Do you know why the show was completely reconstructed two years later with you as the central figure?
Kermit: Actually, I was supposed to host that pilot, but I had a scheduling conflict. (I was on location shooting a Hollywood biopic called "How Green Was My Mother.") So they had a friend named Nigel fill in for me. When the show went to series, I took over for Nigel, who now makes a very nice living signing autographs at fan conventions.
Question: In the very first episode of "The Muppet Show," you told guest star Juliet Prowse that as a tadpole you dreamed of becoming a dancer. Are you disappointed that this never happened?
Kermit: As a tadpole, it's tough to dance. You try cutting a rug with a tail. But later in the series I had a chance to realize my dream, and I even got to dance with Gene Kelly doing "Singing in the Rain." It doesn't get more magical than that.
Question: On "The Muppet Show," you got to flirt with all the female guest stars, which in the first season included Prowse, Connie Stevens, Rita Moreno, Lena Horne, Sandy Duncan and Candice Bergen. Did you ever get, ahem, closer to any of these guests off camera?
Kermit: That sort of flirting with female guest stars only happened during the first season. By the start of the second season, Miss Piggy had won a restraining order . . . and her black belt in karate. As for, ahem, getting close with these guest stars off camera: I don't talk about personal matters like that, especially when they can get me hurt.
Question: Since we're talking about your love life, do you mind if we inquire about the current status of your relationship with Miss Piggy?
Kermit: Miss Piggy and I are just friends and professional colleagues; any suggestion that we have a quote/unquote "love life" is a misstatement, a fabrication and the result of an intensive media blitz by Piggy and her P.R. machine. (By the way, I thought her jumping up and down on the couch on Oprah was really over the top.)
Question: How did you cope with the stress of being the emcee on such a fast-paced variety show?
Kermit: Actually, when you're a frog, once you've crossed a few interstates, nothing fazes you.
Question: Looking back at your first season on "The Muppet Show," do you have any special memories? What was your favorite sketch or song?
Kermit: Two of my favorites are in the very first show. One is even the very first sketch — "Mahna Mahna" — which is a classic Muppet number that we'd been doing for years . . . and it's still funny today. And my other favorite is the song "Temptation," which is the number where Miss Piggy stepped out of the chorus, became a star . . . and never let me forget it.
Question: The first "Muppet Movie" came out in 1979, three years after "The Muppet Show" debuted. Was it difficult for you to make the transition from television to motion pictures?
Kermit: Making the transition from TV to movies isn't that hard. The biggest difference is that you have to buy a ticket. Other than that, we all enjoyed moving to the big screen, especially Piggy. She needed the extra room.
Question: You made "The Muppets Wizard of Oz" earlier this year. What was it like playing the Scarecrow?
Kermit: Oh, Fozzie gave me a great answer for this. What was it like playing the Scarecrow? It was a real "no-brainer." Get it? The Scarecrow needs a brain. No brainer? Sheesh. Note to self: "No more borrowing jokes from the bear." . . .
Question: What projects are you currently working on?
Kermit: Well, since I'm celebrating 50 years in show business this year, there are a whole bunch of special events and appearances being planned. I don't have the details right now, but I can pretty much guarantee that whatever happens it will involve a pig.
Question: For a frog who's been in show business for 50 years, how do you manage to look so young?
Kermit: How do I look so young? I keep in touch with my inner tadpole, and I soak daily in swamp water. Nothing like pond scum to keep you green and wet behind the ears.
E-mail: bdancis@sacbee.com