Bad science-fiction has a new name, and it is "Battlefield Earth," the early frontrunner for this year's worst movie.
There are only two ways to react to a film this completely awful — you can either flee in abject horror, or better still, you can embrace it in all of its cheesy, stupid glory.
After all, you're unlikely to see as hilarious a sight this year as the vision of pudgy star John Travolta wobbling on mini-stilts, trying to deliver bad dialogue as if it had been written by Shakespeare. The fact that he looks like one of "Star Trek's" Klingon characters — but with worse teeth — certainly doesn't help.
It's the shockingly inept tale (based on L. Ron Hubbard's best-selling novel) of man's enslavement in the 31st century. Earth has been taken over by the Psychlos, vicious 10-feet-tall aliens who are using humans as labor for their mining operations.
However, one man dares to rebel and bring new hope to mankind, a recently enslaved hunter named Jonnie Goodboy Tyler (Barry Pepper, from "Saving Private Ryan").
His chief opponent is Terl (Travolta), the Psychlo's chief of security, who toys with Jonnie — when he's not thwarting takeover plans by his scheming second-in-command, Ker (Forest Whitaker).
The rest of the plot's not even worth getting into, and it looks even more ridiculous than it sounds, thanks to Roger Christian's music-video directing style (right down to numerous, close-up reaction and slow-mo shots).
And as bad as the whole cast is here, Travolta is the king of ham, employing a pompous laugh that suggests he's been watching the "Austin Powers" movies too much (Dr. Evil he's not).
"Battlefield Earth" is rated PG-13 for science-fiction violence (including hand-to-hand battle and blaster fire), and scattered, mild profanity. Running time: 117 minutes.
You can reach Jeff Vice by e-mail at jeff@desnews.com