BILLION DOLLAR BABY, Salt Lake Acting Company, through Dec. 2 (363-7522 or www.saltlakeactingcompany.org), running time: 75 minutes (no intermission)
Apparently, being a grandmother can be really stressful.
Especially when the grandmother is Polly Parchment ... on the eve of her granddaughter's fourth birthday. It's not the birthday present Polly is stressed about — it's her overprotective son, Arden, and his wife, "Queen Doreen."
The issues hilariously addressed in this world premiere of Julie Jensen's comedy are built around a generation of young parents who are "consumed by consuming" and some weird parenting techniques (Bernie is almost 4 and still nursing).
Polly, played to the hilt by Dee Macaluso, is busy juggling her job as theater critic for an unnamed Salt Lake City newspaper and being on call 24-7 whenever Arden or Doreen need a baby sitter. Not that Polly's at the top of their list — she misbehaves badly and takes Bernie (short for Alberta Bernice) on adventures that mom and dad find appalling.
The setting for most of the one-woman comedy is Polly's apartment featuring a living room, desk and small kitchen. But the time and place, according to the program notes, can be "whenever and whatever she (Polly) tells you it is."
Polly is in command — except for those times when Arden and Doreen are exerting their all-powerful parenthood.
Macaluso does a masterful job portraying a half-dozen other characters, including Arden, Doreen, little Bernie (who can be an obnoxious brat, largely due to her parents fostering unbridled "free expression"), Doreen's mother, Polly's boyfriend, Mark, and a police officer.
Polly's explanation of one of Bernie's first outings on her new tricycle sets the tone for the child's upbringing. After being outfitted with shin and mouth guards, layers of padding, safety goggles and a helmet, Bernie looks like a space cadet. Her yard (which she is only rarely allowed to play in) is surrounded by impenetrable walls and warning devices.
Between-the-scenes TV commercials for a variety of products — state-of-the-art car seats, a Frank Lloyd Wright-inspired crib fully loaded with safety features and the Surround-Around Child Corral play yard — are good clues to what Arden and Doreen and their friends are purchasing to keep their insulated children completely safe.
It's enough to drive Polly to drink ... or, even worse, head straight for that carton of really rich ice cream.
Between fielding calls from Arden, Doreen and Mark, and attempting to write a Sunday Arts feature piece about playwrights writing scripts for fewer and fewer performers (one actor performing several roles reflects the business world's move toward multitasking), Polly finds the time to barely survive Bernie's birthday party. It's an event only slightly less spectacular than the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade.
Polly — through Jensen's insightful writing — notes that this new generation of children may be unscathed physically, but the emotional scars from being overly protected could be socially fatal.
Sensitivity rating: Some adult material and language.
E-mail: ivan@desnews.com