Stacy Hanson has a goal.
"Hopefully by Feb. 12, I'll be able to take a couple of steps on my own," he said, grinning slightly. "Just to give Talovic the bird."
Hanson, who survived the shooting rampage at the Trolley Square mall, wants to take those few steps by the first-year anniversary of the massacre that killed five people and wounded three others: Feb. 12, 2008. The gunman, 18-year-old Sulejman Talovic, died in a shootout with police.
"It's 'Hey, I've beat it. He's dead. I'm alive,'" Hanson said in an interview with the Deseret Morning News. "I'm moving on with my life."
Hanson was shot three times with a shotgun after he tried to reason with Talovic inside the Cabin Fever card and novelty shop. Now in a wheelchair, Hanson still has a lot of buckshot in his back. He's also in the hardest part of his rehabilitation: learning to walk again.
"It's tough because the muscles aren't there yet, and your brain has to kind of relearn how to move your legs," Hanson said.
Rehab
Hanson wheels himself into the rehabilitation center at University Hospital, plopping himself on a mat. He grabs each of his legs and begins stretching.
"I have scar tissue here," he said, pointing toward his abdomen. "I have to really stretch."
Hanson undergoes physical therapy twice a week. On this day, he's accompanied by his brother, Tim.
"His progress has really been amazing," Tim said. "He lives for it."
With the help of Sue Sandwick, his physical therapist, Hanson puts on a pair of leg braces and then a harness attached to a track on the ceiling.
"One ... two ... three ... ," he says.
Closing his eyes and grunting slightly, Hanson is helped to stand. He grips the walker in front of him. His eyes gaze up at the ceiling.
"Think about stretching, arching your back," Sue tells him.
After stretching a bit in the harness, he lurches his body forward.
His chest high, he presses his lips together tightly and makes soft grunts as he moves forward.
As he is supported by the harness, Tim holds his waist from behind. Sue has a hand on his chest and another on his waist. As he moves each leg, she puts her foot out to keep him from stepping too far.
"Move the hips," she says to him. "Lean forward."
It looks painful, but Hanson moves forward.
"Are you getting tired?" Tim asks.
"Yeah, this is rough," he replies.
"Hips! Hips! Hips!" Sue reminds him. "Good."
Outrage
Hanson said he has spent a lot of time reflecting on what happened to him at Trolley Square — and what has happened to others in random, mass shootings around the country. Two days before he left the hospital, there was the shooting at Virginia Tech. Also this year, a killing spree at an Omaha mall and shootings at a Colorado church and a missionary center.
"I think it's something we need to seriously address," he said. "The Crandall Mine disaster we have congressional hearings about. All of these shootings, there've been over 50 people killed and I don't see the outrage."
Hanson said he is disturbed by the level of violence in American culture.
"I honestly believe we have become a more violent society, that violence is looked on as a game," Hanson said.
He said more needs to be done to focus on troubled youth such as Talovic, Virginia Tech shooter Seung-Hui Cho and Omaha mall shooter Robert Hawkins. Hanson's wife, Colleen, has been a supporter of a Columbia University program called TeenScreen, a national mental health screening program for young people.
Hanson also believes more needs to be done about guns, noting that it's a stance for which he has taken flak.
"We have to strengthen the gun laws we already have," he said, adding that he believes the men convicted of illegally selling Talovic the guns he used in the mall shootings got a "slap on the wrist."
During an interview, Hanson stops and clutches his leg. A painful nerve twitch passes in a minute.
"They really sting," he says.
Looking back, Hanson describes this year as the "worst year of my life and the best year of my life." He said he is thankful for the people who have helped him and his family, those who remodeled his home to make it wheelchair accessible, those who sent him get-well cards and even donated money for his medical bills.
"I've seen the best and the worst of people," he says. "I've seen a heck of a lot more best than worst."
Moving forward
Hanson tries not to focus on what happened to him on Feb. 12.
"I don't know why I lived and the other people in that card shop died," he said.
Hanson and other survivors and relatives of victims of the Trolley Square massacre recently met with U.S. Attorney for Utah Brett Tolman about the gun prosecutions.
"It was amazing," he recalled. "Some of those people still couldn't even talk about it."
Hanson said he tries to focus on the present — working full-time again and going to rehab. But at the same time, he said, it's important that people don't forget what happened at Trolley Square.
In rehab, he focuses on recovery.
"I feel like I'm starting to get it a little more. I wish my back was more limber than it is," Hanson tells Sandwick. "I can't keep my hips forward."
She gives him a few words of encouragement.
"Sue's an angel," he says, seated again on the mat and removing his leg braces. "She's great. She's unbelievably supportive, positive. She's a good friend."
"This has been a beautiful journey," she tells him.
"A weird, but beautiful ride," he replies. "I never thought I'd be in this position, but it's OK."
Later, as Hanson does press-ups from his wheelchair, Sandwick watches him from across the room.
"He's a trouper. He's a lionheart. He just keeps plugging away," she says. "He is absolutely remarkable in how he has jumped back into his life."
Tim Hanson said his brother has a positive attitude and won't give up.
"He's determined," Tim said, looking at his brother. "I don't doubt he'll be walking in some fashion."
E-mail: bwinslow@desnews.com