Stop the presses!
Apparently somebody found a patch of Tyrannosaurus Rex skin lying around somewhere in Montana, stuck it in a "gene machine" and reached the conclusion that the T-Rex was the ancestor of modern-day chickens.
Just what the King of the Thunderlizards needed.
First, he's turned into "comic relief" in the new animated film "Meet the Robinsons." Now this ugly chicken business.
Pity the poor tyrannosaurus. He's been with us — in body or bones — for millions of years. But apart from that nasty spell when he went extinct, these past 20 years have been especially tough on him. Perhaps it all started with "Jurassic Park" when the velociraptor replaced him as the most vile and vicious dinosaur of all. Since then, it's been all downhill.
On the other hand, the "street cred" of leghorns and Rhode Island Reds has risen dramatically. Like the pantywaist who discovers he's a descendent of Attila the Hun, chickens must be suddenly feeling their hormones — their real hormones, not the ones people shoot into them. But then down in their gizzards they likely suspected they were royalty. How else to explain that cocky strut of roosters?
The Montana discovery also might shed light on how the T-Rex went extinct. Once it was thought Rex was the victim of a giant comet. Now, perhaps — like many fish — they became endangered because people couldn't stop eating them. Perhaps even early humans had big enough brains to appreciate the taste of chicken. And the T-Rex may have been pretty close to a chicken, without the bothersome feathers. Free-range dinosaur.
We suspect the drumsticks could be unwieldy and a 10-piece family meal could have served as a two-years supply. Chances are the Neanderthals had to rent U-Hauls just to go for take-out. But never underestimate the voracity and primal drive of a true carnivore.
Not the T-Rex. Our human ancestors.
They were the real terror.
They ate T-Rexes for lunch.