Roger Rose doesn't like to say a single word about his experience as an Army infantryman in Vietnam almost 40 years ago.
He blames the painful memories locked inside his head for his past excessive drinking and for his ending up homeless. That much, he'll talk about.
Rose would sometimes buy himself a half gallon of vodka or whiskey. "It didn't matter," he said. And it would be gone in a matter of a few days.
Why?
"Try to forget," he said, looking down at the floor of a kitchen he shares with three roommates in part of a house in Salt Lake City.
But the falling-down drunk feeling wasn't enough. "You just don't forget," he added. Rose said he still suffers from post-traumatic stress disorder.
If there's news on the TV or in the paper about the Iraq war, he doesn't want to know about it.
"I don't watch it," he said. "I've seen all I want to see."
His liver survived the alcoholism relatively intact, but his marriage didn't. His ability to hold down a steady job has suffered through the years. Off and on Rose lived on the streets, "anywhere," he said, without saying exactly where.
Rose also fell out of favor with his two daughters. But now that they're grown and he's off the streets and sober, their relationship has improved.
"At the moment, it's very good," he said.
That's partly because his sister helped him get in touch with workers at the First Step House, a substance abuse treatment center that also provides housing for homeless people, including veterans.
"I came down here looking for help," he said about First Step, which is just around the block from his house. He graduated from the First Step treatment program in 2005, a move he said spared his life.
Now Rose works part time for First Step, helping other veterans succeed in its substance abuse program.
"This program here is by far the best," he said. "They'll give you time — all you have to do is work with them."
E-mail: sspeckman@desnews.com