"I'm just a mother."
That's a phrase Jane Clayson Johnson heard once too often.
Johnson, former network news correspondent and co-host of "The Early Show," was attending a gathering of about 50 LDS couples, and as they introduced themselves, she was surprised how many of the "bright, talented women described themselves as 'just a mother,' or said 'I used to be such and such, but now I'm just a mother.' I did not expect LDS women to have the same undervalued view of motherhood as the rest of the world."
A similar thing happened when she left her career in broadcasting to be a wife and mother. "So many of my colleagues came up to me and said 'what have you done? What will you do now that you're just a mother?' The journalist in me thought there's a story here. We've got to proclaim that motherhood matters, that it is more important than anything you can do. There's no 'just' about it."
The result is a new book called "I Am A Mother" (Deseret Book, $15.95) in which Johnson talks about her experiences both before and after leaving broadcasting, as well as pays tribute to her own mother's influence and that of other mothers she has met around the world.
Johnson now has two children: Ella, 2 1/2, and William, about 14 months. Plus, she's a stepmother to three children, ages 10-14, from her husband's previous marriage. So, there is a lot going on in her life, she said in a telephone interview from her home in Boston.
Johnson started her broadcasting career at KSL in Salt Lake City, then left to become a news correspondent and then got the call to host "The Early Show" with Bryant Gumbel. She hasn't left broadcasting entirely behind; she occasionally does some NPR projects out of Boston and has done some freelance TV projects on the side. "But first and foremost, I am a mother, and that's what I tell people when they ask me what I do."
Society pays lip-service to motherhood, she said, "but it really undervalues what mothers do. Nurturing, caring, connecting with people — that all comes under the umbrella of motherhood. Nurturing matters. We need to value those skills in ourselves and in our society."
Society is so much about "measuring success," she said. "If it can't be measured, it isn't valued. With motherhood, you may not see the results for years, and so much is intangible. But that doesn't mean it is not as important as any other job."
Nor does it mean that motherhood is easy. "It is hard work. There are days when I'm on my hands and knees cleaning up yet another mess, and I see my old colleagues on TV interviewing world leaders or globe-trotting about, and I think, 'what have I done?' Then I look into the faces of my children and know that what I'm doing is more important, that it is a long-term endeavor and I would never trade it."
She has learned that there are a lot of myths about motherhood. "For some reason most women enter motherhood expecting quiet days of rocking babies, singing lullabies and visiting their local library for story time." Those days come, she said, "but most women are not prepared for just how hard this work really is."
So, some myths she would like to debunk include:
Myth 1: You will be in control ... you are the mother, after all! You can have a perfect plan for a perfect day, but something always comes up — just like the time when she was still in network news and got a last-minute call to go to Charleston, W. Va., for an interview and ended up in Charleston, S.C., instead. A mother's days are just like that — you start out going one place and end up somewhere else, she said.
"But motherhood is all about seeing the big picture, especially when so many of the things you do don't last — folded laundry, washed dishes, a clean house." So many times the surprise moments you now have — to mop up an entire carton of milk from your newly washed floor — provide extraordinary teaching moments, she said. "If you can control your behavior when everything around you is out of control, you can model for your children a valuable lesson in patience and understanding. You have to focus on the long-term and let the rest go. Each day we are only taking tiny stitches in the grand quilt."
Myth 2: Needing help is a sign of weakness. Her son William was born prematurely and spent time in the NICU unit. "The women of my (LDS Church) ward united to help me take care of my little family, and I learned, among so many other things, that I was not alone."
There are times when you can be the helper, and there are times when you are the helpee, but you never have to do it all yourself, she said.
Myth 3: You must do it all, all the time. Sometime in the past 30 years, someone invented the term "Supermom," and they didn't do us any favors, said Johnson. "Sometimes — most times — you can't do it all. You have to give yourself permission to take a break, to leave some things undone."
It is also very important for mothers to take time for themselves, she said. "You have to buoy and strengthen yourself and then you can do that for your family."
Myth 4: Motherhood means a loss of identity. Not true, she said. Instead, facing the challenges of mothering and nurturing helps you identify your true self. "I know who I am, what my strengths and talents and abilities are."
Johnson does not claim to be an expert at motherhood. She's still making mistakes, still learning, still feeling some of the same self-doubts that everyone feels. "But I wanted to put my stake in the ground. I wanted to proclaim that I know motherhood matters, and we need to value our skills."
And it's not just true of mothers, she said. "Whether you are a mother, a stepmother, a grandmother, a neighbor or an aunt, nurturing is the work of the ages, and it is the most important work you will ever do. The world is filled with people to be loved, guided, taught, lifted and inspired. To do that is an innate gift bestowed on all women."
E-mail: carma@desnews.com