My mom was always the "fun" mom, but recently she broke up with her boyfriend, and now she's always depressed or mad. My sister and I are trying to help out to take some stress off her, but she still breaks down in front of us and makes us feel like everything is our fault. I don't know what to do anymore. —Katie, 16, Atlanta
Of course it's not your fault that your mom is upset. She's sad and angry about losing her boyfriend, and it sounds like she's taking it out on you — which isn't right. But put yourself in her shoes. Have you ever broken up with someone? Do you remember how bad it felt? It's hard not to be miserable; in fact, maybe during that time you were even mean to your mom without realizing it.
The thing is, she's the mom and you're the daughter, and it's normal to expect her to be a little more in control of her emotions — at least to the point that she's not blaming you for the breakup. Tell her that you understand how she feels and that you're there for her if she needs anything.
If you need some support — either with your own life or in dealing with you mom's breakdowns — call the adult relative you're closest to and explain what's going on. If your mom still seems really depressed after a month or so, you and your relative might want to suggest she see a therapist to help her work out her feelings.
My boyfriend and I have been going out for a while, and I really like him. But when we're at school it's like I don't exist. When I get home, he calls or texts me like every five minutes. I'm really confused. What should I do? —Wendy, 16, Las Vegas
Before assuming that he's playing games or hiding you from his friends (that's what you're thinking, right?), talk to him. There are a number of other reasons he might be acting this way. Our best guess: He's too shy to act flirty with you face to face and feels more confident over the phone.
But it could also be that in the past his friends gave him a hard time about public displays of affection. Or he might be in school mode, where all he can think about is class work. Or maybe he thinks that's the way you want it. Tell him where you're coming from. Say: "I'm confused about how you act around me at school as opposed to when we're at home. What's going on?"
Let him explain and then go from there. If he can't come up with a straight answer about why he ignores you in public, that's when you need to start rethinking whether he's the right one for you.
Ever since my best friend got her first boyfriend, she's changed. Every time we hang out and he's there, she barely even talks to me and our other friends because she's too busy cuddling or making out with him. He also makes a lot of racist comments. I'm glad she's happy, but I think she's too good for him and the way she's treating me hurts, since I've always been there for her. Any ideas about what I can do? — Sharon, 16, Glendale, Calif.
It's always hard when a friend starts a new relationship and spends less time with you — whether it's her first or her 15th. It's even harder when you don't necessarily like the guy.
Before you pass judgment on him, stop and make sure you don't hate him just because he seems to be taking away your best friend. We have to admit, the bigotry doesn't make him seem like such a great person. But in general, unless he's abusing your friend or otherwise treating her badly, saying she should break up with him will only create more problems for you (since she's "in love," she'll probably just defend him, deepening the rift between you two).
On the other hand, you can take a stand when he says something you disagree with. Just make sure you're acting like the calm, rational one when you express your opinion. If you start a huge fight, your friend will be forced to choose sides. In the meantime, hang out more with your other friends while you all ride out her new-boyfriend-infatuation phase. Then start inviting her to do stuff with you one on one. With some effort on both your parts, she should be able to balance her time between you and her guy.
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