Lifetime's new sitcom "Rita Rocks" looks and sounds just like a lot of broadcast network sitcoms.
This is not a good thing. Because it looks and sounds a lot like a lot of really bad broadcast network sitcoms. The kind of loud, unreal, unfunny half-hour that comes complete with a hyped-up studio audience that laughs uproariously, even though nothing actually humorous is going on in front of them.
Or maybe it's a laugh track.
Executive producers Jeffrey Hodes and Nastaran Dibai list "According to Jim" as one of their biggest credits — and the folks at Lifetime seem to think this is a good thing. It's not.
Nicole Sullivan ("King of Queens," "MADtv") stars as Rita, an overworked, underappreciated mom. She's got a husband, Jay (Richard Ruccolo of "Two Guys and a Girl"), and two daughters. Teenager Hallie (Natalie Dreyfuss) is rebellious in a purely sitcom kind of way; 9-year-old Shannon (Kelly Gould) is one of those too-cutesy-to-be-true sitcom kids.
And if that's not sitcommy enough, you've got smart-mouth postal carrier Patty (Tisha Campbell-Martin of "My Wife and Kids"), who — what with living in this parallel sitcom universe — doesn't much care about delivering the mail.
While this is a show about a family, that doesn't mean it's a show for the entire family. This being 2008, there are a number of jokes in tonight's premiere (6:30 p.m., Lifetime) about, um, anatomy. And sex. And drugs.
Heck, the teenage daughter's oh-so-cute and somewhat-dim boyfriend, Kip (Ricky Ullman) has nearly naked pictures of Hallie on his cell phone. And it's played for laughs.
Isn't that HILARIOUS? And only sort of illegal.
What's supposed to make this different from the other bad sitcoms is the musical element. Rita has sort of an early midlife crisis in the first episode and wonders what happened to the person she used to be.
"I don't even know who I am anymore. Am I Mrs. Jay Clemmons? Shannon's mommy? Hallie's parole officer?" she says.
And she misses the person she was "a couple of decades" ago when she played the guitar and sang.
"Look at my eyes. I had so much sparkle back then," Rita says.
"You were stoned out of your mind," Jay replies.
Isn't that HILARIOUS?
The next thing you know, Rita has hauled her guitar down from the rafters of the garage and is jamming with Patty. And — lo and behold — the unemployed guy across the street, Owen (Ian Gomez), plays the bass. And Kip has drumsticks (but no drums).
Sullivan and Campbell-Martin are both really talented singers. Listening to them for half an hour would be quite entertaining.
On the other hand, listening to them deliver lame sitcom dialogue is not.
Sullivan is much better than the material. That's faint praise for someone who has a great deal of talent.
Maybe someday she'll find a sitcom that's equal to her talent. Because she sure hasn't found it in "Rita Rocks."
"Rita Rocks" premieres with a five-day event — new episodes air tonight through Friday at 6:30 p.m. on Lifetime. Beginning on Oct. 28, new episodes will air Tuesdays at 6:30 p.m.
SO, DID SULLIVAN really know how to play the guitar before she started on the show?
"Define play," she joked before clarifying that to a "no."
"I play four instruments, none of which are the guitar. But, uh, Lifetime said that a show about a woman who plays the oboe wasn't really interesting."
WHEN SHE WAS YOUNGER, Sullivan said she "had the worst taste" in music.
"The worst. I love Van Halen and REO Speedwagon," she said. "I was white trash there.
"Print it. Just print it."
Done.
E-mail: pierce@desnews.com