It's hard to believe today marks the start of the Jazz's 30th season in Utah.
Time flies when you're waiting for a championship.
Still, it would be a shame to let that milestone pass without looking back at the events that made the Jazz who they are.
With that in mind, I've compiled my list of 10 Favorite Goofy Moments in Utah Jazz History.
May they endure forever — or at least as long as Darren Morningstar lasted with the Jazz.
10. Happy Returns. A little New Year's Eve celebrating and a lot of testosterone led to Bart Kofoed breaking Bobby Hansen's cheekbone with a punch.
It wasn't terribly good for team unity, but it did give meaning to the term "ringing in the New Year."
9. Houston (out of) Control. It was in front of a Houston hotel where Mel Turpin and Carey Scurry went fistic and pugilistic. Legend has it they were razzing one another about their ladies when suddenly trouble erupted.
Oddly enough, neither player showed even a hint of toughness under actual game conditions.
8. Patching Things Up. "What was that?" people were saying during a 1984 Jazz game in Las Vegas.
It was furry, dark and looked a lot like a tuft of human hair on the court.
Turned out it was.
Backup guard Jerry Eaves had tried to cut his own hair in his hotel room earlier in the day, but when his hand slipped, it took a divot out of his 'fro. Rather than shave his head — which wasn't yet in style — he glued the hair back.
All worked well until he started sweating.
7. 'Tag's Teeth/Shaq's Attack. When Greg Ostertag lost his false teeth in a game against Houston in 2001, it was enough to gross out even Jazz fans. His bridgework went skipping across the court, and the Houston trainer had to retrieve it with a towel.
Nice.
Then there was Halloween morning 1997, when 'Tag and Shaquille O'Neal exchanged words after a shoot-around. A couple of slaps later, 'Tag was in the fetal position.
On the bright side, he did remember the cardinal rule of absorbing falls: Always be sure to tuck and roll.
6. Eye-siah Thomas. Until the Knicks paid out millions in a sexual-harassment settlement involving Isiah Thomas, few knew he could be so difficult. But the Jazz figured as much all along.
When Thomas accused Karl Malone of maiming him with an elbow, he didn't mention receiving fewer than 10 stitches; he claimed 40. He also neglected to say the injury was just a routine laceration over the eyelid, not a vision-threatening injury.
Still, it made for good theater. And isn't that what the Motor City Bad Boys were really all about?
5. Identity Theft. Ever feel like telling a cop you're someone you're not? Deron Williams and Robert Whaley did in 2005 after they got in a scuffle with a Denver fan in Park City.
They claimed their names were Bobby Williams and Torrey Ellis.
I'd have gone with William Shatner, but that's just me.
4. 30 A.D. Former coach Frank Layden readily admits that fining Adrian Dantley 30 pieces of silver for being a "Judas" was a bad idea.
Eventually it ended in Dantley being traded. Imagine if A.D. had stayed and the Jazz had used him at small forward opposite Karl Malone all those years.
On the other hand, with Dantley taking all the shots, Malone may never have touched the ball.
3. Choke Job. Things were getting hot during the 1994 playoffs when they abruptly got hotter. That's when Jazz owner Larry H. Miller was goaded into attacking two Denver fans in their seats.
Actually, they were Miller's seats, which was a big part of the problem. He ended up on the front page of USA Today, and the Nuggets fans got their 15 minutes of fame.
2. Luther Wrong. This would be funny if it weren't so sad. Former Jazz backup center Luther Wright went on a rampage in 1994 that ended with him sitting in the Tooele County jail.
Wright — whose agent claimed he OD'd on prescription Ritalin — never played again, but he did earn $5 million for 92 minutes.
That same day he also attempted to smuggle a puppy on a plane and play drums in the Houston Rockets band.
Let's be honest — who among us hasn't?
1. Officer Down-and-Out. Who needs "ChiPs," when you can have Officer P.?
Former Jazz center Olden Polynice pleaded guilty to impersonating an officer after pulling over a car and flashing an honorary badge.
As I've said many times before, he was lucky he didn't get jailed for the more serious crime of impersonating a center.
E-mail: rock@desnews.com