The people who were killed at Trolley Square one year ago are not just pictures on a page. They were people with hopes and dreams of their own.
They had lives to live, children to raise, jobs to do, and people to help. The world lost so much goodness. That night, I lost the person I had planned to spend my life with. That night, I lost what I knew life to be.
My wife, Vanessa, had dreams and plans. She wanted to be a great daughter, sister, wife, mother and friend. She had accomplished many of these things already, with only a few pieces left.
Any time I asked her to share something with me, she would almost immediately agree. From simple things like learning to ride a mountain bike, to packing up all of our belongings and moving 2,000 miles from anything she knew.
Vanessa was a person who loved and lived life. She was kind with her thoughts, actions and time. She was a gentle soul, but one with an immense amount of courage. She was always up for a challenge. The thought I can be left with is that Ness lived a good life.
No matter that it was cut short, in the time that she had, she lived more than most people do. Many people may say that after a life is taken, but in the case of Vanessa, it rings true.
This year has been about learning. Learning about how hard it is to lose someone you love so much. I could never have begun to understand how hard it would have been, had I not been forced to live through it. Learning how much your friends and family mean to you, the amount of time and compassion that they will give you. Never being too busy to listen to your ramblings ... learning how much a community can support you with their kind words and actions. Learning that a group of people who are put together in the worst of circumstances can connect.
This past year has been the most terrible and trying of my life. I have had to entertain thoughts and emotions that are straight out of a horror film. It has been hard to imagine any possible future, and even present, without the person I chose to spend them with.
The new year was a barrier that I looked forward to. It gave me back a sense of time that was lost on Feb. 12 of last year. The world will continue with or without me. Now I look to the courage of the then-strangers who were injured. People I now consider friends. I look to the courage of the police officers who responded that night, whether they were on duty or off.
It is with these thoughts, that I will choose to be with this world. I owe it to my wife, Vanessa, to live the best life I can. I will try to put some of her goodness back into the world. I will carry on what we had started together.