HILTON HEAD ISLAND, S.C. — For 35 years, Elyse Schein and Paula Bernstein shared nothing more than their DNA.
Their school days took place in separate states.
Their holidays were celebrated in unrelated homes.
And their milestones were marked in different family photo albums.
But not by choice.
Unbeknownst to them and to their respective adoptive parents, the identical twins were separated at birth and made subjects for a secret nature versus nurture study conducted by a pair of child psychiatrists connected to their adoption agency.
Now Bernstein, whose adoptive parents live on Hilton Head Island, S.C., and Schein, who lives in Brooklyn, N.Y., have written a book recounting how their lives have become entwined once more.
SOMETHING MISSING
While Schein spent her formative years with her adoptive family in Oklahoma, Bernstein grew up in New York. Both women served as editors of their high school newspapers. Both pursued film studies after graduation.
And both remained unaware of the other's existence — until Schein reached her mid-30s and began searching for information about her biological mother.
"I was living on my own in Paris and had reached the age that (my adoptive mother) was when she died, and I felt that I was an adult," Schein said. "I felt it was really time to get to the bottom of this mystery that had always shadowed my life. Even though I had said to friends at different times, 'I feel like I'm missing a twin,' I thought that it was just a common metaphor people use to express loneliness. It was certainly a shock when I found out."
While Schein reeled from the discovery — both "exhilarated and unnerved" that she had found a missing piece of the puzzle — Bernstein remained unaware. The freelance writer was enjoying marriage, motherhood and the stability she was experiencing in life after her angst-ridden 20s. Unlike Schein, she had not felt an inclination to find out about her past and had even written a freelance piece for a magazine titled, "Why I Don't Want To Find My Birth Mother."
"I hadn't even looked into any information, so it was somewhat disturbing to not be prepared for this information and to not have control over how I heard the news," said Bernstein, who received a call from the adoption agency in the spring of 2004 that Schein had a desire to meet her. "It was somewhat scary in that I suddenly felt that my life was a lie in some ways. I felt slightly paranoid about the whole life that I had led and thought, 'What else (don't) I know about myself?"'
Friday marks the four-year anniversary of when the pair decided to reunite and begin a complicated journey together as identical strangers who were meant to be sisters.
SEPARATE BUT SIMILAR
Bernstein and Schein's reunion took place at Cafe Mogador in the East Village of New York City.
"When we met, it was apparent we were twins, but we weren't really sure what our relationship was to each other," Bernstein said. "Even though we were total strangers, I felt that I could really tell her anything. I felt like we were very close in a way, but were we sisters?"
When the two sat down to compare notes from several chapters in their lives, they were surprised to find out just how much they had in common, but still were unsure of how to navigate their differences.
Though they shared the same mannerisms, similar career paths and even the same favorite obscure film — "Wings of Desire" (1987) — they led dramatically different lives. Schein called Paris home and was the single woman who had initiated the search for her biological family. Bernstein was the married mother who was attached to her routine in Brooklyn and never asked to be found.
"A lot of people when they heard the news said, 'Congratulations! You're so lucky!' And I grappled with that, because I didn't feel that lucky," Bernstein said. "To suddenly meet your twin at 35 years of age once you already feel like you know who your family is and you know what your identity is, was rather disturbing. I think we both felt somewhat threatened by the existence of the other one."
Questions surrounding their separation and the need to make sense of their newfound identities is what kept the relationship moving forward. Six months after discovering each other, the twins decided to collaborate on a book about their reunion and search for answers regarding their birth mother's past. The story unfolds through alternating accounts from the sisters.
In the first chapter Schein writes, "The Adoption Registry allows biological parents, children and siblings to be put into contact, if all parties have registered. Maybe my birth parents were simply waiting for me to register and I would soon be reunited with the mysterious and formidable characters who had shadowed my life. Perhaps, after searching for many years, they had been unable to find me. ... Maybe they would reject me again. Or perhaps they wouldn't be fazed at all, having come to peace with their decision years ago. I would be a hiccup in their reality. The scenarios and possible repercussions of my inquiry multiplied infinitely in my mind, a million possible futures."
In the end, however, even the "million possible futures" both had imagined did not come close to the reality Bernstein and Schein encountered when they learned of each other. Since meeting four years ago and writing their book, the pair that began as identical strangers now live only a couple neighboorhoods away from each other in Brooklyn and are continuing to learn what it means to be family and what makes you who you are.
"We've really worked through a lot of the difficulties of assuming that we would be like each other and let go of all those assumptions and defenses," Schein said. "Before, we were really linked by blood and by being twins in a twin bond, but I think that now we're a family by choice. It's really come full circle. I like to say we've adopted each other."
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THE STUDY
According to www.npr.org, child psychiatrist Peter Neubauer headed up the controversial study of adoptive twins and triplets who were separated at birth for the purpose of evaluating the influence of nature versus nurture in child development.
Though Elyse Schein and Paula Bernstein, twin authors of "Identical Strangers," were able to interview Neubauer about their inclusion in the study, he offered little to no answers as to what was done to them and no apology.
The study concluded in 1980, at which time Neubauer declined to publish the results because he knew the public would consider it unethical. The records of the study were given to an archive at Yale University and are sealed until 2066.
For more information, go to www.identicalstrangersbook.com.
For a YouTube video of the book trailer for "Identical Strangers: A Memoir of Twins Separated and Reunited," go to islandpacket.com/lowcountrylife.