Strengthening Marriage: Date night is NOT optional

Awhile back a friend came up to me at church and said he had some receipts for me to reimburse. I looked at him like, What are you talking about? And he said, You know — babysitting receipts. You said youd cover the babysitter if Id start taking my wife out on dates. I laughed and said, OK. Sure. A couple of weeks earlier they had been at our home for a get-together for a bunch of new couples in our ward. In the course of introductions it came up that I was a marriage educator and that I was a big proponent of a weekly date night. In a teasing way he responded, Oh, sure. If you pay for the babysitter maybe wed consider going out on dates more often. To make a point, I said he could send me the bill for their babysitting expenses.Apparently he is pretty serious about it, because he has also mentioned to my husband that hes racking up a bunch of babysitter expenses to give me. I guess I need to remind him that a babysitter costs a lot less than a marriage counselor — or a divorce, for that matter.Necessity of date nightMany years ago as a relatively new mom, I heard a woman extolling the virtues of a regular date night. With two little children under the age of 3 and not much money lying around I thought, Yeah, sure. Thats easy for you to say! I have since learned for myself the necessity of a regular date night not only for the health and strength of my marriage, but also for my own personal well-being. I hope to not only encourage others to make date night a regular part of their lives, but also to encourage them to encourage others to do so as well.Many couples find themselves falling out of love and falling into dangerous territory mentally, emotionally and physically. Its significantly more difficult to fall out of love when you are spending regular amounts of fun time together. Date night keeps the good times in marriage in better balance with the inevitable difficult times. Its a proactive way to continually create positive emotions and memories in your marriage. There was a time in my life when Friday night date night was the literal light at the end of my tunnel each week. I knew I could make it through one more day, because Friday was almost here. I dont know how I would have survived those early years without that to look forward to. Date night would sweep me away into another world — another world where I looked and felt like something someone would actually want to date, instead of the scary-looking person who just tried to keep her head above water throughout the day with little ones running her ragged.Date night restores the sparkleDate night gave me a chance to remember that I was a wife and not just an all-consumed mother of young children. Date night put a sparkle back into my eyes and into my soul. It continues to be something I look forward to every single week. I think I would have to say that date night is my favorite thing in the world!Date night helps me remember those wonderful feelings of our courtship days. (Hey, guys, dont forget to open her door. And, gals, dont forget to let him ... even if you have to sit there and wait for a moment or two to retrain him!) Keeping those feelings of love and courtship alive is the opportunity and the responsibility of every husband and wife. Marriage needs to be nourishedSometimes we forget that a marriage needs to be nourished. We cant just stop doing all the things we used to do when we were courting and expect our marriage to stay alive and vibrant. Our marriages need constant nourishment emotionally, spiritually and sexually. Referring to the need for marital nourishment, President Spencer W. Kimball stated:Love is like a flower, and, like the body, it needs constant feeding. The mortal body would soon be emaciated and die if there were not frequent feedings. The tender flower would wither and die without food and water. And so love, also, cannot be expected to last forever unless it is continually fed with portions of love, the manifestation of esteem and admiration, the expressions of gratitude, and the consideration of unselfishness (Oneness in Marriage, Ensign, Oct. 2002, 43-44).The emotional intimacy and connection that grow through regular date nights are the fuel that makes both husband and wife feel loved, cherished and desirable. Date night is not optional for those couples who want to stay close and connected.Marriage time and family timeFor many people, Monday night is family night. I hope I live to see the day that Friday or Saturday night becomes as sacred for marriage night as Monday is for family night.The root of a strong family is a strong marriage where couples make each other a priority. Marriage time is different from family time, so be sure that a portion of family time in your home is reserved for strengthening your marriage. In our home, we reserve Friday night for date night (with Saturday night as a backup). Our kids look forward to our date night almost as much as we do, even though they are consigned to macaroni and cheese for dinner. Our kids know that we reserve one night each week for us as a couple. They will even remind us if we ever forget.Date night and emotional foreplayDate night builds the emotional connection between a husband and wife. This is an important component of emotional foreplay, which many women need in order to feel close to their husbands sexually. This emotional closeness makes it easier for women to move from feeling emotionally intimate to wanting to be physically intimate.But men, please try not to start doing this date night thing with strings attached, or you may be disappointed. Having strings attached has a way of undoing the positives of a great date night. Nobody wants to feel as if he or she is being wined and dined because of something that is expected in return. Just enjoy each other and focus on building your friendship. Let the rest take care of itself!Just enjoy each otherWhether your date nights are actually an evening dinner date, or a lunch date each week, or even just time spent together after the kids are in bed — this time is sacred time. Some of my favorite dates were when we would put our little ones to bed a bit early and read and discuss a book or an article together.Other times, wed take the little book, \"365 Questions for Couples,\" by Michael J. Beck, with us on our dates. Wed ask each other questions from it like, What is your greatest fear? or What is your greatest hope? or What are your best characteristics? — just to keep learning more about each other. It just keeps things fresh and new. Whatever you decide to do on your dates, just enjoy each other and look for anything you may have forgotten about why you dated and fell in love with each other in the first place.Three key activities for happy marriagesIf I had to choose three things that are the key activities for those who want a strong and happy marriage relationship, I would choose the following:1) Weekly date night (emotional nourishment)2) Nightly couple prayers (spiritual nourishment)3) Regular lovemaking (sexual nourishment)Anytime is a great time to begin the tradition of a weekly date night. With a new year upon us, now is a great time to reevaluate where we spend our time and energy. Decide today to make your marriage a priority.Remember that date night is not optional for those who want to stay close and connected in their marriages. Maybe someday Ill even create some kind of a Date Night Babysitting Reimbursement Fund to help couples make date night a higher priority.See you later! Its date night ... !!!