LAS VEGAS — Now that my oldest daughter has turned 6, she is eligible for a whole new world of activities. She wants to try everything, and I have to admit I am excited about her options, too.
When I was growing up, I was into gymnastics, cheerleading and dance. But I wonder whether I might have done better in sports like softball and tennis if I'd been taught them from a young age. Competitive swimming didn't even make my radar. I was just happy to bob around in the pool and do handstands.
Last year my daughter only did gymnastics. But this year she wanted to add dance. Then her summer swim teacher wanted her to try out for swim team. Then she wanted to do theater. Oh, and did I mention Girl Scouts?
Clearly we are facing an overload of activities, and I want to make sure we find the right balance for our family. I want to make sure I don't go crazy and that my role isn't exclusively as a taxi service.
"Children whose mothers go crazy don't do well," said Dr. Alvin Rosenfeld, co-author of the book "The Over-Scheduled Child: Avoiding the Hyper-Parenting Trap" and a lecturer at Harvard Medical School. "We have to protect your mental health."
Rosenfeld wrote the book after observing what he calls "hyper-parenting" in his community, where parents believe that to succeed in life, they have to enroll kids in every activity.
"It was inducing many parents to oversubscribe, overdo, and lose a sense of balance," he said.
Activities can be an important part of a child's life, and of course, fun, but "we've professionalized sports to a degree where we're really seriously running risks of damaging kids' bodies."
Rosenfeld said finding the right balance is different for every family. Some families thrive on constantly being on the go, while others do not. Balance means each family member is having his or her needs met.
He suggests overwhelmed parents cut back 5 percent, and then try another 5 percent until they are happy with the result.
Dusty Cinnamon, a Perry, Okla., father of two, admits that at 20 hours a week, his 11-year-old daughter probably spends too many hours at gymnastics practice in another town. (She is a state champion gymnast).
His 10-year-old daughter spends three hours a week doing soccer, and both girls go to church youth group after school once a week.
"I was in tons of activities in school and today as an adult, I am very efficient with my time. And I believe those activities I loved built the competitive nature I carry today," he said.
Cinnamon said he and his wife searched hard to find activities both girls excelled at, and made sure they would not compete against each other.
A new study titled "The 'Hurried' Child: Myth vs. Reality" found that in contrast to what most people think, kids are doing quite well in activities, and that it's the parents who are stressed.
The study's author, Sandra Hofferth, director of the Maryland Population Research Center at the University of Maryland at College Park, said she found that children who had the most problems — low self esteem and withdrawn — were the ones not involved in any activities.
Hofferth said I am just entering the age of activity overload. The amount of activities tends to peak around ages 9-12.
"There's no evidence that having lots of activities is associated with children being stressed, socially immature or having low self-esteem," she said.
Both Hofferth and Rosenfeld said that if a child is complaining or crying about going to the activity, then it's time to cut back.
In the end, we decided on gymnastics, dance and swim. I later switched my daughter out of the swim team class and into a class that just focuses on stroke development. She is much happier.
Then the gymnastics and swim coaches told me I should bring her more than once a week if I wanted her to improve more quickly.
I politely declined.
She's only 6.