There are ways fathers and sons can help each other be their best, Elder M. Russell Ballard of the Quorum of the twelve said during the priesthood session of conference. He noted that the same counsel can apply to "uncles and grandfathers and priesthood leaders and other mentors who sometimes fill the gaps for these significant father-son relationships."
Fathers and their sons are visual reminders "of two of the most powerful elements of our theology: priesthood and family," Elder Ballard said. "The priesthood is the divine power through which families are sealed together. Everything in the restored gospel of Jesus Christ, including the ordinances of the holy temple, is focused on the possibilities of families becoming part of the eternal family of God."
Acknowledging that father-son relationships are never perfect, Elder Ballard stated, "Everything I am going to suggest to you tonight is possible if you will put in the effort to make it happen."
He offered three suggestions to help sons take full advantage of their relationship with their dad and three suggestions to help fathers in relating to and communicating with their sons.
For sons:
"First, trust your father. … When you put your trust in your dad, he will feel the responsibility of that trust and try harder than ever to understand and to help. As your father, he is entitled to inspiration in your behalf. His advice will be the heartfelt expressions of someone who knows and loves you. Your dad wants more than anything for you to be happy and successful, so why would you not want to trust someone like that?"
"Second, take an interest in your father's life. … As you learn more about him, you may find that his experiences help you to better understand why he responds the way that he does."
"Third, ask your father for advice. Let's be honest: he is probably going to give you his advice whether you ask for it or not, but it just works so much better when you ask! … In my experience, fathers who are asked for advice try hard to give good, sound, useful counsel. By asking your father for advice you not only receive the benefit of his input, but you also provide him with a little extra motivation to strive to be a better father and a better man."
For fathers:
"First, fathers, listen to your sons — really listen to them. … Don't think you have to try to fix or solve everything during these times. Most of the time, the best thing you can do is just listen. Fathers who listen more than they talk find that their sons share more about what is really going on in their lives."
"Second, pray with and for your sons. Give them priesthood blessings. … I am mindful that many of you fathers suffer heartache over sons who have strayed and are being captured by the world, just as Alma and Mosiah worried about their sons. Continue to do all you can to maintain strong family relationships. Never give up even when fervent prayer in their behalf is all you can do. These precious sons of yours are yours forever."
"Third, dare to have the 'big talks' with your sons. You know what I mean: talks about drugs and drinking, about the dangers of today's media — the Internet, cyber technologies and pornography — and about priesthood worthiness, respect for girls and moral cleanliness. …"
Expanding on the latter, Elder Ballard said, "I am especially concerned that we communicate openly and clearly with our sons about sexual matters. Your sons are growing up in a world that openly embraces and flaunts early, casual and thoughtless promiscuity. Your sons simply cannot avoid the blatant sexual imagery, messages and enticements that are all around them. … Be positive about how wonderful and beautiful physical intimacy can be when it happens within the bounds the Lord has set including temple covenants and commitments of eternal marriage."
His six suggestions apply as well to returned missionaries and the fathers of returned missionaries, Elder Ballard said.
He expanded on his counsel to returned missionaries. Their most important decision, he said, would be to marry the right young woman in the temple.
"While no one should rush this significant decision, all returned missionaries should be working on it," he said. "Be where you can meet the right kind of friends. And go on dates. 'Hanging out' is not the way nor is it enough. 'Courting' seems to be a lost art — rediscover it. It really works. Ask your fathers — they know. Do not drift to the ways of the world. Rather, maintain the dignity and the spirit you enjoyed on your mission. The Church will need your leadership in the future."