OLD DOGS — ★ — Robin Williams, John Travolta, Kelly Preston; rated PG (vulgarity, violence, slurs, drugs); in general release
The opening five or so minutes of "Old Dogs" show that a decent little buddy comedy could be made that features '70s icons Robin Williams and John Travolta as its stars.
The 80 or so minutes that follow the initially promising opening-credits sequence, though, show that this is clearly not that movie.
Instead, this is a thematic sequel to the inexplicable, 2007 road-comedy hit "Wild Dogs," which came from the same filmmakers. That movie was filled with lowest-common-denominator humor that had some real nastiness to it.
This one compounds that by throwing in an insensitive and extremely distasteful, racial humor component.
Williams and Travolta stars as, respectively, Dan and Charlie, lifelong friends who own a sports-marketing business.
Charlie is an immature, unrepentant womanizer, while the less-confident Dan has been married twice.
The second of these marital couplings was a drunken quickie, to Vicki (Kelly Preston), which was annulled. But as it turns out, that dalliance created fraternal twins — Zach (Conner Rayburn) and Emily (Ella Bleu Travolta).
And, with Vicki about to serve a two-week jail sentence for civil disobedience, she believes this would be the perfect time for father and children to get to know each other.
Unfortunately, this comes just as Dan and Charlie's company is trying to land a lucrative overseas account.
As you might guess, most of the movie is made up of painfully unfunny shtick about Williams and Travolta playing clueless father and "uncle" to the 7-year-olds. About the only amusing thing here, however, is watching Travolta try to keep another ill-fitting, unflattering hair appliance on.
And director Walt Becker and his screenwriting team even throw in an unnecessary subplot about a puppeteer trying to help Dan be a better dad. Unfortunately, this features the last big-screen appearance by the late comedian Bernie Mac. (That he died in August 2008 should show you how long ago this mess was shot.)
Other supporting cast members left adrift by this nonsense are Matt Dillon, Justin Long, Rita Wilson and Ann-Margret. (At least Luis Guzman and Dax Shepard were smart enough to avoid being credited for their roles in it.)
"Old Dogs" is rated PG and features vulgar humor (sight gags and references to various bodily functions), other off-color humor and references, supposedly comic violence (athletics mishaps, including various shots to the crotch), derogatory language and slurs (as well as racial humor), and drug content and references (prescription medicine misuse and abuse). Running time: 88 minutes.
e-mail: jeff@desnews.com