The news hit me like a punch in the gut and took my breath away.
Just two days after an article was printed about how Justin Young was using his music to pay the doctors who had saved the life of his wife, Katie, there sat the e-mail in my in-box.
On Oct. 31 at 3:20 a.m., Young, who lives in Virginia Beach, Va., wrote simply: "Katie died in a car accident Friday night."
"No, that can't be," I said aloud. The Youngs had fought so hard to live with Katie's Crohn's disease. I had talked with her on the phone a couple of times. I had talked to Justin extensively, and felt like I knew them. I had seen pictures of the couple and their two children. They felt almost like family.
But it was true. Katie had died in a wreck in
Chesapeake, Va., just before midnight on Oct. 30.
In the two months since, I have thought of the Youngs often. How did Justin and the kids, 8-year-old Justin and 5-year-old Madison, get through the memorial service and the lonely, empty time that followed? How did the children go to sleep without their mother to tuck them in? How did Justin keep going without her there to talk to and embrace?
Things haven't been easy, but it turns out the Youngs are a strong, faithful, trusting bunch of people.
In a recent e-mail, Justin Young wrote, "The refining fire of the Lord is not a pleasant place to be and it takes faith, courage and trust in the Lord that he is shaping you into the person he knows, wants and needs you to be. I consider myself a man of great faith in God and his plan, but I have come to the unfortunate conclusion that the greatest faith cannot rescue one from the pangs of grief.
"But I have found that in those moments of deepest sorrow, when my very heart seems to be tearing itself in two, the moments that take me to my knees begging for understanding, peace, love, light, relief … it is in those moments of humility, left with nothing but a broken heart and contrite spirit, that the greatest lessons of life have been taught and the mysteries of his kingdom are unfolded to view.
"Lessons and teachings that cannot all be shared openly, but cherished privately, and treasured up unto ourselves giving us not the wisdom of man, but the wisdom born of God."
That wisdom, he said, "is forged from the flames of experience and this experience has opened my eyes beyond my own ability to see. And because of this, I believe we should be grateful for the trials we have today because they'll make us who we'll be tomorrow.
"I have experienced pain I never thought I would experience and found myself crying out, 'Is there anyone who knows this suffering?! Has anyone ever felt what I feel now?' And it was at that moment that I was reminded that 'Yes … there is One.'
He said his children are handling the situation better than the adults.
"They have their moments of sadness," he wrote, "but they release it, then continue in the joy of being a kid. My soon-to-be 6-year-old daughter, Madi, the night after I told them of their mother's passing, took out a stuffed angel from her toy box and said, 'I'm going to sleep with this, because Mommy's an angel now' — and has slept with it ever since. My 8-year-old son, Justin, although less vocal about it, will lie face down over his mother's grave and just lie there, feeling the closeness that a mama's boy needs to feel when snuggling warm and close on his mother's chest and dwelling in the memory of those moments as if she were lying there right next to him.' "
Kendall R. Nielsen, a friend of the Youngs who has lived in Virginia Beach for four years, said Katie's death has affected their ward.
"She was on the mend (from Crohn's disease) and back to normal activity when she passed away," Nielsen wrote in an e-mail. "It is always shocking when a young parent passes away. … Watching Justin holding his daughter during the memorial service was particularly poignant."
Nielsen added, "I attended Katie's funeral with the thought that I was going to honor Katie and demonstrate support and comfort to Justin and his family. Justin did such an incredible job with his comments during the memorial that he flipped the tables on everyone in attendance and provided comfort and support to us."
Mitzi Hammer, a childhood friend of Justin's who met Katie briefly at their 10-year high school reunion, said in an e-mail that when she heard about Katie's death, she "felt Justin's heart as I would see my own husband's (Aaron) if he was to find out the same news that I was gone. The big difference in Justin from Aaron was that Justin knows the Lord."
Hammer, who is not Mormon, attended the funeral at Justin's request. Four weeks later, he visited the Hammers.
She said, "He confessed that the last two weeks were harder than the first two after the accident. It was good to hear that he was human. He displayed his strength at the funeral for his family and friends which, I know, brought strength to the many there. I, however, felt it positive to see him as he dealt with life after the flood of support had recessed just a bit. At that moment, one month later, I saw a greater and more courageous strength in Justin. Strength that I will hold onto forever."
Six days before Katie died, Justin wrote a song called "Let Me Dream."
"It was the most heart-wrenching song I've ever written," he wrote.?"I was up late playing the piano and nothing felt right.?Nothing felt fulfilling.?So I began to just play the emotions that were coming to me and a song … emerged.
"Placing it in context of Katie's passing and putting the music to a visual representation of her life has given truth, empathy and comfort to many."
For more information about Young's music and to see his postings, visit www.justinyoung.com and ilovekatieyoung.blogspot.com.
e-mail: rwalsh@desnews.com