Songwriting is not easy for Hilary Weeks.
Fulfilling, meaningful, creative — yes. But not easy.
"I would put my kids to bed and sit down at the piano to write, and many a night I'd end up in tears," the LDS singer and songwriter says. "I'd doubt my own ability. I'd doubt whether I was good enough to do what I wanted."
At least, that's how it went on her previous six CD projects. This time, things were different.
"I decided I would just put my trust in Heavenly Father," Weeks says. "I realized that all along I may have not been good enough, but God has. He has made up the difference every time. He has helped me on those other CDs, and I knew he would help me on this one."
Once she realized that, "the ideas just came," she says.
"Songwriting became a pleasant process, by far the favorite process I've had," Weeks says. "Writing wasn't stressful; it was a pleasure."
The result is "If I Only Had Today," which features 11 new songs done with Weeks' signature blend of assuredness and tenderness. She hopes they are songs that speak to the heart.
"You always hope deep down that you can write something that will make a difference, something that people will love," she says. "You hope you can say something in a way that's not been said too many times before, something that connects with people."
What makes it all worth it, Weeks says, is when she receives e-mails or letters from someone who says, "you wrote that song for me."
Several songs on the new CD have special meaning for Weeks. As she has traveled around the country performing at Time Out for Women and other programs, she has met people from all walks of life.
"They have been so generous to share their experiences with me," Weeks says. "I met a woman in Ohio who told me her 8-year-old niece had been diagnosed with a brain tumor. She sent us a DVD of her life."
Weeks was so touched by the life of this little girl she didn't know, that she, too, mourned.
"I realized that sometimes you just have to get through it; you have to mourn and cry — that's part of the healing process," she says. That experience resulted in the song, "Just Let Me Cry."
The title cut for the album came on a flight home from Dallas.
"I always write sitting at the piano, but I just felt in the mood to write," Weeks says. "Obviously, I didn't have a piano in my carry-on, but I ended up on the plane with a row to myself, and I just kept thinking I needed to write something. I said a little prayer asking what I should say, and the inspiration just came."
The song talks about treasuring each day as a gift. "That's a message that is so important for us all," she says.
Another song, "When You Least Expect It," also caught her by surprise. After recording was finished, Weeks was reflecting on how the process on this CD had been different.
"I was thinking about how when you pray, the answer doesn't always come when you want it to," she says. That idea turned into a song that was added to the CD. So, she says, you never know just what's going to come along, especially when you trust in people other than yourself.
Weeks began her professional career when her song "He Hears Me" was recorded on an Especially for Youth album in 1993. Her first solo CD came out in 1996. She was living in Colorado at the time, but in 2003 moved to Utah with her husband and children.
She has actually been writing songs since she was 14.
"I realized at a young age that I like to sing and was always singing around the house and in the car," Weeks says. "When I was 14, a friend sent me a poem, and I decided to set it to music."
If her songs tend to be full of encouragement and hope, she says, that's no accident.
"I want to help people know they are not alone, that difficult times will pass and we will be stronger for them."
There are lots of avenues people can find to help them through tough times, but Weeks thinks music is one of the best. "Music somehow connects with the soul like nothing else can. It penetrates hearts and can do deeper than anything else."
But music is also a funny thing, she says. "You put it out there, and you never know where it goes. Sometimes, I stop and think, 'is someone listening to one of my songs right now?' "
If they are, chances are very good that by the end of the song they will feel better in some way.
"That's absolutely my purpose in writing," Weeks says. "I want to lift people."
E-mail: carma@desnews.com