ANGELS & DEMONS — ★1/2 — Tom Hanks, Ewan McGregor, Ayelet Zurer; rated PG-13 (violence, gore, drugs, nude art, profanity); in general release
In "Angels & Demons," Tom Hanks is no longer sporting the silly mullet he wore in the movie version of "The Da Vinci Code."
As a result, he's one of the least ridiculous things about this cinematic follow-up, which comes across as a sequel, thus confusing the viewer. The Dan Brown novel on which it's based was actually a "prequel" to "The Da Vinci Code."
Speaking of confusing, the plotting here is so convoluted and so far-fetched that it makes the conspiracy elements in the "National Treasure" movies look plausible by comparison.
But unlike those other films, this thriller is sorely lacking a sense of humor. This is dour, dire and pretty unpleasant stuff. There's only one real, laugh-out-loud moment, and it's not intentional.
Hanks reprises his role as Harvard symbology expert Robert Langdon. Though he's had his disagreements with Catholic Church officials, he's been summoned to Vatican City.
The pope has died, and the cardinals are convening to choose his successor. At the same time, the Vatican is being attacked by the Illuminati, an ancient secret society that's bent on the destruction of the Catholic Church.
An Illuminati assassin (Nikolaj Lie Kaas) has kidnapped the four most likely papal candidates and plans to murder them, one each hour.
Worse, he's hidden an anti-matter device within the city walls. This "time bomb" will detonate just before midnight, killing millions.
Langdon is convinced that ancient clues will lead him to the kidnapper, though he finds his investigation hamstrung by skeptical police and church officials. He has some help, though — from Camerlengo Patrick McKenna (Ewan McGregor), the pope's right-hand man, and Vittoria Vetra (Ayelet Zurer), an Italian physicist who helped create the anti-matter device.
This science-fiction twist is actually one of the more coherent plot points.
Screenwriters David Koepp and Akiva Goldsman really get into trouble when they try to broach the whole science-vs.-religion issue. It's examined in a superficial and heavy-handed manner.
It doesn't help that this adaptation was directed by Ron Howard, who's not exactly known for being subtle.
His cast struggles with the material. Even pros like Hanks, Stellan Skarsgard and Armin Mueller-Stahl look a bit flummoxed.
"Angels & Demons" is rated PG-13 for some strong violent action (shootings, stabbings and vehicular and explosive mayhem), other disturbing imagery (brandings), some fairly graphic gore and blood, drug content and references (pharmaceuticals and hypodermic needles), glimpses of nude statues and paintings, and scattered profanity (mostly religiously based). Running time: 138 minutes.
E-mail: jeff@desnews.com