A few years ago my 7-year-old friend Mathew and his family were visiting me in Utah from California. When they arrived, I announced to Mathew and his brother that there was only one rule at my house: never ask permission to eat anything; just eat whatever they wanted. I wish I had a picture of Mathew's eyes when I made that announcement. He knew that my cabinets were stocked with junk food. (I am the candy lady in the neighborhood, and I am always prepared for any children who come by.)
Needless to say, Mathew had a great time at my house. He helped himself to anything he wanted to eat. That evening we went to an all-you-can-eat buffet, where he continued to feast upon all the food he wanted. He ate and ate and ate.
The next morning I learned that he had vomited in the night. When asked by his aunt why he vomited he said, "I think it was the Tic Tac I ate." Of course we all shared a good laugh.
Obviously Mathew misdiagnosed the reason he got sick, and discounted all the other food he had eaten and blamed it on the Tic Tac. If Mathew cut the Tic Tacs out of his diet, would it take care of the problem? Of course not. Not only did the Tic Tacs have nothing to do with Mathew getting sick, but he minimized the part about eating all the junk food, failing to recognize the consequences of overeating. Though this reasoning seems humorous and far-fetched for most of us, it really is quite common.
We often misdiagnose the consequences of our actions, and then spend all of our energy trying to fix the wrong problem. Sometimes we over-simplify, underestimate, minimize or simply ignore the behavior that is causing the problem, because we are focused on the Tic Tac.
Imagine a mechanic spending his time rotating the tires when you stopped in to have him check an oil leak, or a landscaper who continues to replace the plant that dies year after year, neglecting the bad soil or lack of sun light or polluted irrigation water.
When I first moved in to my neighborhood, I noticed that amongst all the beige and natural looking stone houses sat a house with yellow stucco. It seemed like an odd choice for our neighborhood. I soon learned that the new owners had chosen brown stucco. When the painters showed up, they opened the can and saw that the paint was yellow; however the can was labeled, "brown." Since it was labeled "brown," they painted the house anyway, even though the paint was yellow. This was obviously a lack of common sense. Later, they came back to paint the house again, this time it was brown.
Again, this last example seems so obvious, and we can't imagine how someone could not see the disconnect between the label and the actual color; yet we are often guilty of doing the same thing.
For example we may be self-centered, negative, or critical of others, and then wonder why we do not have very many friends, or have a wedge between us and our spouse. We may try to fix the problem by buying gifts or trying to make ourselves more attractive, when in reality that will never begin to address the problem.
I actually knew someone once who was known for her ulterior motives. This pushed people away. She thought the reason she was not included or invited to get-togethers was because of where her home was located. I didn't have the heart to tell her otherwise. But she felt if they had moved it would solve everything. She was focused on the Tic Tac.
There are those who don't invite, reciprocate, or contribute to any gathering, and yet are highly offended and upset with others when they are no longer invited. It doesn't dawn on them that their lack of investment in the friendship might be the reason. They are focusing on the Tic Tacs.
I have met men who insisted that their marriage would be better and even saved if their wife had cosmetic surgery. Again their focus was on the Tic Tacs.
Then there are men who are convinced that if they only made more money they would be married or have a happier marriage. For most women, it has little to do with money. We love character, personality and quality time! So the men spend all their extra time at work trying to make more money hoping to strengthen their marriage or marriage prospects, again,focusing on the Tic Tacs.
Have you ever known someone who can't keep their employees, their customers, or their friends? I guarantee you they are trying to fix the wrong problem, and they are baffled as to why it keeps happening over and over. They can't get their eyes off the Tic Tac and get to the real problem.
A marriage counselor deals with this type of disconnect every day. Husbands and wives will point fingers at all kinds of behavior, when usually pride or ingratitude is the real issue. Or they will focus on the step-children or in-laws when the real problem is selfishness or arrogance.
I think the most common disconnects are when parents insist that they adamantly love their children. They are extremely protective of their children's safety, are always making sure they are buckled in, or insist they call when they get to their destination, or they are double checking to see that they are not doing anything that could injure or harm themselves. Yet, these same parents will swear in front of their child, allow their child to watch immoral shows on TV or at the theater, share crude humor around their child, allow their child to spend mindless hours on the internet or playing games that dulls their senses, or simply omit teaching them the importance of following the Lord. It seems like such a disconnect for parents who love their children so deeply, but are only focused on the variety of Tic Tacs, and not what is most important.
Sometimes, finding the real problem or the cause can be painful. We might need to change something about ourselves that we just aren't willing to change. It is easier to blame the Tic Tacs. Tic Tacs are so much easier to cut out of our diet than our favorite dessert.
Certainly we are all guilty of doing this exact thing. We minimize some of our most careless actions to focus on the ones that really are insignificant. Then we are surprised when we continually get the same negative results.
Life is one huge buffet with so much to choose from. What is it really that is not working for us, or causing the most pain or discomfort in our life? As we are living a life much different than we expected, and as we are busy trying to fix what we can, I can promise you one thing: it isn't the Tic Tacs!