Jon shakily wrote down the thoughts and worries he had been fretting about for weeks. He drove to her house and handed her the letter, watching anxiously as she began to read. She only made it partway through before handing it back.
"OK, I don't want to read any more," she said.
And with that, she took off the ring she'd been wearing for six weeks and placed it in his hand.
"The day that I gave her the news," Jon said, "the feeling in the air was almost like that of a funeral."
It's well-known that Mormon young adults get engaged and married earlier than their peers. Mormon men marry on average at 23, and Mormon women marry on average between 21 and 22, compared to national trends of 27 for men and 25 for women, said Jason Carroll, an associate professor at BYU.
But not every engagement ends at the altar. Breakups, particularly when relationships are serious, can be difficult, confusing and painful experiences. But a failed engagement is not the end of the world, even though it might feel that way at the time. Like any hardship, it can be a valuable learning experience if seen in the right light.
And it's certainly not representative of how future relationships will end.
S. Dee Barrett taught temple marriage classes at the Logan (Utah) LDS Institute for 11 years. Predictably, many of his students were dating seriously or already betrothed.
Each Monday, he would ask if anyone got engaged over the weekend. Most days, one or two hands would shoot up, followed by romantic stories about how the question was popped.
But sometimes, a more timid hand would rise, followed by an announcement of a broken engagement.
After a breakup, some students would ask to meet with Barrett to talk things through. He could tell they felt isolated, conspicuous — as though they had done something wrong.
"You're not alone," he would tell them.
"A lot of people go through it. It's normal. And you know what? Another relationship will come along. Learn from this one, learn what you liked. And then you'll be better at it the next time around."
Barrett thinks the terms "broken engagement" or "failed engagement" are misnomers, since a breakup can be a positive thing in some cases. It can be a powerful learning experience, and it's less taxing than entering a doomed marriage.
"A broken engagement is a successful engagement," he said.
It can be a success if those involved gain wisdom about who they are and what they want, and apply that to future relationships.
For Jon, who was 25 when he got engaged, inexperience in relationships played a big part in the breakup. He didn't know what to expect, so when she started talking about getting married after seven months of dating, he couldn't think of a reason not to and followed her lead.
"I just didn't know myself very well," he said.
But it wasn't long before he realized he did not want to marry this girl. From the day he proposed, anxiety over the decision never left him. He watched her giddily show off the ring and happily announce the news. All the while, he was filled with dread.
"Why is she so happy and telling everybody that she's engaged … and I just don't feel that way?" he wondered.
He chalked his nervousness up to cold feet, thinking at times it was the adversary trying to sway him from his good decision. But the uneasiness persisted.
When he couldn't handle it any longer, Jon broke things off.
"This was the worst anxiety that I have ever had," he said.
It's one of the hardest parts of the engagement process, said Barrett — trying to decipher what messages are from God and what messages are from internal insecurities and doubts.
"I think it's really hard sometimes for them to separate what they want and what they're feeling (from) that revelation process," he said. "They've got all these doubts, but (they wonder) 'Is that me or is that the Lord talking to me?'"
Not all engagements end because it's God's will. Far from it, Barrett said. When faced with daunting decisions, people have a tendency to cast aside their faith. That leads to engagements broken out of fear rather than prompting.
Barrett said Elder Jeffrey R. Holland's talk from a 1999 BYU devotional, "Cast Not Away Therefore Your Confidence," illustrates this point well.
Elder Holland said doubts will follow confirmation, but that members should not question the revelation they have received just because they're scared.
"Don't panic and retreat," he said. "Don't lose your confidence. Don't forget how you once felt. Don't distrust the experience you had. That tenacity is what saved Moses and Joseph Smith when the adversary confronted them, and it is what will save you."
Jon said he never had a positive confirmation to begin with. But he exercised faith that by taking action and doing what he thought was right, he would be stopped and corrected if he was wrong.
"I was struggling to know if I should take a step forward or take a step back," he said. "So I took a step forward. Turns out it was the wrong step."
But that's OK, Barrett said. Because even though it may seem like a hassle to tell your family and friends the wedding is off, it's OK to let them down when you're doing what's best for you.
And when all is said and done, "hopefully they've learned more about who they are," Barrett said. "Who they are and what they want."
Jon said the most valuable knowledge he gained from the difficult experience is the single most important quality he wants in a spouse: friendship.
"I learned that I just need a friend," he said. "(My ex-fiancee) had all these awesome qualities about her … but (we) just didn't have that friendship element."
Barrett said it's important to not let the frustration from the failed relationship fester and turn into resentment.
"They have to not become bitter. Not become women-haters or men-bashers … not to get a chip on their shoulder," he said. "Learn from it and move on."
"And hopefully the second time around, instead of second-guessing yourself, you're more confident because you know what you want."
e-mail: mfarmer@desnews.com