We're all in this together!
OK, so I grew up in Utah, but it wasn't until I recently moved back, after 20-plus years, that I finally get why they call it Happy Valley.
It's because everyone is so happy. All those statistics about depression in Utah must be propaganda because all I see is smiles.
Big smiles.
Big, bright smiles.
Big, bright, shiny smiles.
Utah is full of big, bright, shiny, happy people holding hands.
They're not just happy either. They're funny, too. Everyone's a comedian in Utah. Seriously, it's like being on the Donny and Marie Show. I was hoping to be the next Mormon Erma Bombeck, but the last thing they need in Utah is another Crash Test Dummy cracking jokes. I think I would make a great sidekick though — you know, the one who says ba-da-bing after every joke. I say it all the time under my breath. I can't help myself. I think I'm just a natural born sidekick.
People in Utah aren't just happy and funny. They're nice, too. Even the gas pumps say, "Have a nice day."
Recently the checker at a grocery store was talk-talk-talking my head off until I finally had to put my hand up and say, "Just tell me your name and I'll vote for you."
She was like, "Huh?"
And I was like, "You've got my vote. Just put a lid on it, would ya?"
And she was like, "But I'm not running for office."
And I was like, "Then why all the chit-chat? Just cut to the chase and ring me up already!"
Was that rude?
Utah is also so darn cute. I think they should change the state name to Cutah because everything is downright darling. Especially in the schools.
If you want to know what it's like to go to school in Utah just watch "High School Musical." Everyone is Disney-adorable and they break into song all the time. My fifth-graders even get to line up outside their classroom and do a cheer before school starts. And after my daughter's soccer games, a whole bunch of bee-U-tiful teenagers stand on the sidelines and sing and dance about how they will love their school until they die.
The only thing that is NOT cute is all the rules. In my twins' school class, they are only allowed to go to the bathroom three times a week. I wonder what will happen if they have to go to the bathroom, like, say, every single day. I wonder if they can get bathroom credit. Like if they only go twice one week, do you think they can carry the remaining bathroom pass over to the next week?
There is also the issue of overpopulation. My daughter's high school is so crowded in between classes that they actually call one of the halls the Birth Canal.
On the bright side, at least they're all in the Birth Canal together (together, together everyone). Well, everyone but Zac Efron.
Debbie Frampton recently moved from Hawaii to Utah and her blog is called "Crash Test Dummy Diaries."