I'm having an identify crisis.
Since becoming a mom, it's difficult to define exactly who I am because my daily life revolves around two other people — my daughters.
So at my 10-year high school reunion recently, I struggled to find a good answer for the weighted question, "So, what do you do?"
This question always throws me for a loop. I answered with the truth — "I'm a mom" — but then quickly followed up with, "But I also write from home and teach a college English class."
I'm not sure why I feel the need to justify my existence in the world by detailing the various part-time jobs I do while also being a full-time mom.
I know I shouldn't need any title beside "mom," but I couldn't help but feel a little under-accomplished in front of my peers who are now making small fortunes on Wall Street.
Don't get me wrong — I love being a mom and there's no job in the world more important to me.
I chose to give up a full-time career to raise my children day in and day out. I'm proud of what I do.
Still, there is a part of me that knows my choice isn't valued as highly by everyone else. I think that's why I also found myself saying things like "I'm just a mom" to my former high school colleagues.
After I got home that evening, I wish I hadn't devalued myself that way. Even if the rest of the world doesn't put a high value on stay-at-home moms, I should have been proud to say that I was a mom and not "just" anything.
Then this week, I found myself in another situation where my identity crisis surfaced again. I had my very first parent-teacher conference with my 3-year-old daughter's preschool teacher.
Her teacher praised my daughter's good behavior (what mom doesn't love that?) and then we talked about her development. As we chatted, I looked down at the teacher's paper and instead of my name, she had written, "Nicole's Mom."
There's that identify crisis again. She didn't even write my own name. My identity was wrapped up in my daughter as usual.
But as I left the meeting, I thought about this title and how I want the world to know me.
I'm proud of my education, but it's not who I am. I'm proud of my professional accomplishments, but they don't define me. So who am I?
There's nothing I do that brings me more pride than being a mother to my two daughters. All my education, my work and my life experience has brought me to this point and I'm grateful for them.
But maybe it's OK that my identity is not about me anymore because I can't think of a title that makes me feel more proud — and better defines who I am — than that of "Nicole's Mom."
Erin Stewart's blog, Just4Mom, can be found Tuesdays and Thursdays at deseretnews.com.E-mail: estewart@desnews.com