So,
young single adults ... have you ever been in a ward you didn't like? The
chemistry was off? Didn't connect with your quorum? Not enough hotties?
Too few mingles?
Well, what did you do about it?
If your answer is, "I served others, fulfilled my calling, loved the congregation and tried harder," then kudos. Good work.
If your answer is, "I up and left," then you're a ward hopper and we need to talk.
The costs of jumping shipIt
may seem like a small thing to go to a fresh ward each Sunday — after
all, you're still going to church. But Charles Schwab, who was recently
released from his position as a young single adult ward bishop in Salt
Lake City, says that if everyone gave each ward in their area a trial
run, the church couldn't function, and lives couldn't be blessed.
"What would happen if everybody had to be in the 'top' ward?" Schwab asked. "Then what happens to all the other wards?"
The
fact is that members can't fully participate in the edifying experience
that is church membership if they don't regularly attend the ward to
which they're assigned, he said, and they can't serve others or be
served.
"If I don't have their
church membership, then they don't get a calling. So they miss out on
the whole sanctifying experience," said Schwab, who teaches institute
at the University of Utah. "They can't pay their tithing to me. ... They
can't come in for an interview. They can't go through the repentance
process. I can't give them a temple recommend."
Jeff
Lee, a bishop of a YSA ward in Lynnwood, Wash., says ward boundaries
are important, and venturing too far outside of them can sometimes make
serving others difficult. The boundaries of his ward cover more than 20
miles, and so if someone from outside that area insists on attending,
that person's home teachers or visiting teachers then have to travel 30
or 40 minutes to fulfill their responsibilities.
"If you're outside of those boundaries ... it's a hardship," he said.
Not just about socializing
The
biggest reason young adults give for ward hopping is "meeting new
people," Bishop Schwab said. While socializing is certainly a big
component of young adult wards, they're designed for worship first and
foremost. That's why going from place to place for the sake of meeting
others or getting phone numbers isn't advisable.
Jared
Mickelsen, 27, said he attended a friend's ward for months after he
made a career move to Salt Lake City because he didn't know anyone in
his designated ward. Because he had a built-in friend, however, he
never got out of his comfort zone to make new acquaintances while he
was hopping. It wasn't until he went back to his own ward, got a
calling as ward clerk and went to all his meetings that he began to
make new friends. And now, the ward doesn't seem quite as "weird" as
when he first scoped it out.
"I enjoy the ward very much so," he said.
When
he was starting out on his own, Mickelsen said it was tempting to be a
"sacrament meetinger" and skip out on priesthood meeting and Sunday
School. He said he felt it was a choice between "sitting by yourself
for three hours or sitting by yourself for an hour and a half." But his
calling made him accountable and introduced him to new people.
There
were times when Bishop Schwab would notice an unfamiliar person enter
the chapel during sacrament meeting and look around the entire meeting,
not listening to the messages, but rather scoping out everyone in the
ward. Afterward, he or one of his counselors would ask the visitor if
he or she planned on moving in. When the answer was a predictable 'I'm
not sure,' Bishop Schwab would ask him or her to leave, which was
always followed by defensiveness.
"If they're mad at you for enforcing the rules, you know where their heart is," he said.
Randy
Blades, a BYU graduate, said he's been known to go from ward to ward in
hopes of meeting a girl to date. Now three months into a deployment to
Iraq, where there are no church services in his battalion, Blades said
he misses the supportive environment found in the church, even in the
wards you're not sold on.
"I miss having a ward. It's a support system. It gives you the motivation to do the right," he said.
Bishop
Lee said that people who judge the quality of a prospective ward based
on the looks of its members are missing the wonderful opportunities
found only in young adult wards.
"When you really get in and make an effort," he said, "there can be such a spiritual ... closeness and development of testimony."
It's all in the approach
Bishop
Schwab said that young adults are a unique group, and consequently
there will be rare exceptions where it makes sense for someone to attend a
ward outside their boundaries, but those rare exceptions should be handled
on a case-by-case basis under the direction of the bishop.
"If
you think you have a valid enough reason to not be in the ward in your
area, then talk to the ecclesiastical leaders of both wards," he said,
"and let them counsel you, and listen to their counsel."
It's
the serial hopping that's a problem, not the person from outside the
boundaries who, under the direction of the bishop, attends and
contributes. Bishop Schwab said the hallmark characteristic of a ward
hopper is selfishness and an attitude of "what can you give me?"
"They're
looking for the perfect ward," he said. "And when they hit a ward that
they really, really fancy, they stay for a while, but what I've noticed
is a lot of them never came in to participate or to contribute. They
didn't come in to serve. ... They just came in to take."
They
want to be entertained, fed, visited and taught, but don't care to put
forth any of their own effort, and oftentimes they don't even attend
all of their meetings.
"You need to look at the intentions of your heart and not the excuses you come up with to justify yourself," he said.
E-mail: mfarmer@desnews.com