If there are any Utahns out there who are going to be on reality TV shows — and we all know there will be more Utahns on reality TV shows — I hope they were watching the season finale of "The Amazing Race" on Sunday.
Taking notes on what not to do.
Jordan and Dan Pious won the race and the million dollars, but lost a lot of respect because Jordan butted in front of second-place finishers Cord and Jet McCoy.
It wasn't against the rules of the "Race," but it was petty and childish. Yes, it's a game, and everyone wants to win. But Jordan made himself (and his brother, to a lesser extent) look like jerks for absolutely not reason at all.
The line-butting had no effect on the outcome. It was pointless and stupid.
Jordan's no-class move was overshadowed by the behavior of Carol Rosenfeld and Brandy Snow, who had previously been eliminated. (They finished fifth out of 11.)
Carol and Brandy pretty much made fools of themselves when they were eliminated. They were the victims of a "U-turn" sprung on them by third-place finishers Caite Upton and Brent Horne.
A U-turn allows one team to force another to complete an additional task before continuing the race. And Carol and Brandy were furious when it happened to them.
They didn't bother to hide their anger, either.
"Dumb did us in," Brandy said, referring to Caite.
Upton is the former Miss Teen South Carolina who became an Internet sensation in 2007 with her nonsensical answer to a question about why many Americans can't locate the United States on a map.
("I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, uh, some people out there in our nation don't have maps and, uh, I believe that our, uh, education like such as, uh, South Africa and, uh, the Iraq, everywhere like such as …)
Caite somehow sees finishing third in the "Race" as proof that she's not dumb, but she did a whole lot of dumb things during the season. Still, Carol and Brandy made themselves look like two of the worst-ever sore losers in TV history.
"I think there will be a point in the not so distant future we can get over the stupidity of today and just enjoy the richness of the experience," Carol said. "I'll translate that into first-grader language for Brent and Caite."
Meow.
Frankly, I agreed with Carol and Brandy that Brent and Caite pulled a dumb move. They should have U-turned a stronger team, but they were manipulated into it (at least in part) by Louis Stravato and Michael Naylor (who ended up finishing fourth).
But "The Amazing Race" is a game. A high-stakes game, with a million dollars on the line, but a game nonetheless. And Brent and Caite played within the rules of the game.
If I were Carol or Brandy, I would no doubt have been disappointed. I would have said terrible things about Brent and Caite.
But in private. To each other. Not on national TV.
And, while you could to some degree attribute their bitterness when they were eliminated to the heat of the moment in a stressful race, there's absolutely no excuse for the way they behaved at the finish line after they'd had days to cool off.
They shook their heads in disgust when host Phil Keoghan talked about Caite being the only woman to finish the race — to end up in the top three.
"I don't want to hear 'Sorry' from you," Brandy said when Caite tried to apologize. (Which she didn't have to do. She didn't do anything wrong.)
"You purposely whacked us. You said you wanted to be the only woman left standing, and you are."
"Maybe y'all should have treated people a little bit nicer," Caite replied. And, indeed, Carol and Brandy were heard mocking her more than once during the race.
"Hey, I'm sorry," Brandy said. "You can't handle it?"
"I am handling it," Caite replied. "Obviously, I'm the one standing here (at the finish line) and not you."
Caite didn't come across as particularly smart during the race, but she got the better of Brandy — who has a very high opinion of herself — in that exchange.
If you're considering being on a reality show, you ought to watch Carol and Brandy. Imagine yourself looking as bad as they did on national television.
And keep that in the back of your mind when your time comes.
You can lose without looking like a loser. Unless you're Carol and Brandy.
e-mail: pierce@desnews.com