You've probably heard the story of Johnny Lingo, a South Seas trader who offered an unprecedented eight cows to secure a wife — a woman whom everyone thought was homely and undesirable but turned out to be a beautiful, happy woman.
You may have appreciated the messages portrayed by the local movie versions of the story about kindness to others, self-worth and measuring people by material goods.
Authors Tracy Lyn Cutler, Kurt Dowdle and Ty B. Erickson looked at the story of Johnny Lingo and realized it has even more to say: It's all very well and good to be an eight-cow woman, but you deserve an eight-cow man, and vice versa.
Relationships that are meaningful and lasting work both ways, they say, so they explore the topic in a book by that name: "An Eight-Cow Woman Deserves an Eight-Cow Man: Eight Critical Character Traits For a Fulfilling, Lasting Relationship" (Cache Valley Press, $14.95).
They were talking one day, Dowdle says, about what makes a good relationship, and the idea of cows came up.
"We got talking about what we'd use today instead of cows, what those cows would represent. Ty suggested making the cows character traits, and the ideas just started flowing," he says.
As they looked into the original story, they discovered that it was written by a Catholic woman named Patricia McGerr, who lived in Minnesota and wrote the story for Woman's Day Magazine. The original characters were not Johnny and Mahana, as they appear in the films, but Johnny and Sarita.
"We found about 200 websites, some LDS-based, but mostly not, that have glommed on to the story," Cutler says. "It seems to be more popular than ever."
But what they wanted to do, Dowdle says, was not just rehash what other people have said about the story. "We wanted to take an original approach, which is where the idea of character traits came in."
They surveyed hundreds of people, asking what traits they thought were important in a relationship, and then combined and synthesized them into eight traits, which also happened to fit their cow herd.
Those eight characteristics are: Trust (the Confidant Cow), passion for life (Fire Cow), wit and wisdom (Clever Cow), financial responsibility (Cash Cow), spirituality (Holy Cow), romance and intimacy (Cuddle Cow) and kindness (Considerate Cow).
They also realized that there was one cow you don't want in your herd — the Mad Cow, which involves addictions and other destructive behavior.
Though the cows are clever and fun, there is an underlying value in couching the discussion in these terms, says Erickson. In his obstetrics and gynecology practice, he says, "I've found that people have difficulty finding safe, nonthreatening methods of communication. Using this metaphorical language lets people joke and talk about cows in a way that validates their feelings but is not threatening. It can lead to deeper conversations."
They've had a lot of feedback on that idea, Cutler says. "One man told me that he was very shy. He said, 'I can't talk about a lot of things, but I can talk about cows.' "
If people will do an honest assessment of the cows they have and the cows that they need to acquire, Erickson says, they can find real help. "This language lets people define things in their own terms, without finger-wagging. But they have to be honest in heart about whether some of their cows are dead, need CPR or need to be worked on."
If you come to the bargaining table with only two cows — "or with a sick duck and a lame horse instead of cows" — you are not likely to end up with an eight-cow partner, he says.
The three authors bring varied backgrounds to the task of writing. Erickson grew up in Las Vegas, went to medical school in Nevada and Colorado and now has a private practice in Idaho Falls.
He and Dowdle were mission companions in Iceland. Dowdle graduated from the University of Utah in violin performance but got into market consulting and then started ghost writing. He has co-written eight books. "I've learned that I like writing better than performing," he says. "When you perform, there's no editing, but when I write, I can edit."
Cutler graduated from BYU in interior design and art, is the mother of five children, has four grandchildren and works in the medical field. "My passion in life has always been people. Even way back when, when all my friends were reading fiction, I was reading biographies. I think nothing is more fascinating that the thoughts and lives of people. I've always paid attention to what made them happy and how their goodness could make me better."
This is her first book, and "although it is done in my voice, it truly reflects all three of our minds."
From book signings and firesides that they do, they've found "that the book has been well-received by people as old as 86 and as young as 12," Dowdle says. "We've heard from singles, married people, people who are divorced and widowed. People buy it for themselves and then for a child who's going through a hard time, a friend who just got divorced. It's a message that's very easy to understand, that everyone can relate to."
There's one other COW they like to talk about, and that's an acronym that helps you get these character traits, Dowdle says. It stands for Conscience Over Will. "When we were doing all our research, we sent things to a lot of professional doctors and therapists, and one of them told us he'd read a lot of books on character, but that none of them ever told you how to get character. We came up with the phrase of 'conscience over will' as a way to develop character, but it wasn't until later we realized that it spelled cow."
So, Cutler says, "We tell people to have a COW. Use this basic technique to get your own cows. By consistently making this simple choice, it is possible for anyone, no matter their age or circumstance, to become a man or woman of great character."
Eight cows for your herd
Confidant Cow: The trusted friend. "Friendship is a contract of the heart."
Fire Cow: A passion for life. "Passion separates man from the rest of earth's creatures. We seek to find and express a meaning in life."
Clever Cow: Wise and witty. "Even in extremely serious situations, humor can be healing and therapeutic."
Cash Cow: Financially responsible. "People make large, potentially crippling financial decisions without consulting their spouse. To most people, this is a type of betrayal."
Holy Cow: Spirituality. "Even though spirituality may be an individual matter, it becomes a greater part of life when it is shared in a relationship."
Wow Cow: What makes you unique. "Work to be the best YOU possible so you can stand out in the herd."
Cuddle Cow: Romance and intimacy: "Spontaneous acts of kindness, being sensitive to each other's needs, generosity and making time for each other will keep the music playing."
Considerate Cow: Kindness. "The more we love someone, the easier it is to know what they want and need."
To learn more about the authors, schedule firesides or become part of an eight-cow community for character development, visit www.eightcow.com.
e-mail: carma@desnews.com