As each of my three oldest kids went west to BYU and attended student wards and occasionally visited family in regular wards for a baby blessing or a cousin's missionary farewell throughout Utah Valley or Salt Lake, they would return east somewhat bemused with the differences in LDS culture.
One of my sons coined a phrase that is now part of our family parlance. Whenever they'd see or hear something in our New Jersey ward that clearly is unique to our conditions in the mission field, they'd say, "You won't see that in the Provo 150th Ward."
Like the kid who was baptized in our ward and as he and his older brother, who performed the baptism, climbed back up the steps, the ward mission leader asked one of them to go back into the font and pull the plug so the water could drain. The newly baptized boy smiled, turned, leaped into the air and did a "cannonball", splashing the first three rows of primary kids.
My son Trey, who is currently serving his mission in London, turned to me laughing and said, "You're not gonna see that in the Provo 150th Ward."
With so many converts who didn't grow up indoctrinated in LDS protocol, we've become accustomed to seeing and hearing things at church probably not heard or seen in most Orem or Provo wards.
An older sweet gentleman offered the benediction in sacrament meeting once and in addition to asking the Lord's blessings upon the bishopric, added, "Finally, please bless Allen Iverson to play great and the 76ers to shut down Kobe and beat L.A. in the big game against the Lakers tonight."
At amen, I got "Dad, I'm pretty you won't hear that in the Provo 150th Ward."
Or the lovely elderly African-American lady who sings her testimony on Fast Sunday and blows kisses to the congregants from the podium and all the way down the aisle as she returns to her seat.
"You won't see that in the Provo 150th Ward."
This morning, I presided at one of our local units. A wonderful convert family spoke – the parents and the second of their seven children were on the program.
The boy gave the best talk I've ever heard from a young man on the "Strength of Youth" pamphlet.
The mother talked about obedience. She told of having her ear pierced for each of her seven children and wearing an ear ring representing each child and that each child, sons included, wore the matching ear ring in their own ear. For her, it was a way of connecting with her children.
When she learned that President Hinckley asked women to limit ear piercing to one, she initially balked.
But eventually, she felt hypocritical asking her children to be obedient when she wasn't following the living prophet. So, she turned her head and showed the ward her ear with six unfilled piercings. Then she gestured towards her sons who no longer wear ear rings.
The father is a barrel-chested prison guard, wears a thick goatee and clean shaven head, a rather intimidating-looking man who grew up in Philly.
He spoke of how his heart changed towards the Church when he saw Relief Society women bringing food to his home with each of his seven children even though he wasn't a member yet.
In addition to quoting Moses 1:39 and President Monson, he also quoted the Rev. Jerry Falwell, Clint Eastwood and finished by reading the lyrics of Bill Wither's "Lean On Me."
Somehow, I doubt you'll hear that in the Provo 150th Ward.