This is the fourth installment in a series on pornography and its impact on families.
To be fair, the room was crowded — by anyone's definition.
But after several minutes of observation, it became apparent the crowd itself had little to do with the unusual congestion in the middle of the hotel foyer that morning.
After rising early on a Saturday and paying twice the cost of a movie ticket to get in, grandparents, PTA moms and young couples had all entered the room with conviction. But somewhere between a glance at literature about child pornography and illustrations on hormonal changes after viewing nudity, much of their confidence shattered.
People gravitated toward the middle of the open reception area, distancing themselves from any specific information booth that lined the walls.
The keynote address wasn't to begin for another 30 minutes.
Many were noticeably nervous, always on the lookout: "Who'll I see? … Who'll see me?"
To be seen at an anti-pornography conference might be perceived as noble. But the thought of being seen — no, caught — by a neighbor standing at a specific booth inquiring about pornography filtering software, or information on sex addiction support groups, clearly distressed many of the 1,000-plus attendees at this year's Utah Coalition Against Pornography spring conference in downtown Salt Lake.
"Would appearing interested at a booth make me or my family look like users?"
There was still a strong sense of camaraderie among attendees throughout the day, but a nervous gentleman in his 40s summed up much of the mild, anxiety-laden environment with a softly spoken but overheard question to a volunteer at the event's registration table: "They're not going to send us stuff in the mail for this, are they?"
Into the light
Overwhelmingly, sexual addiction experts say it's that kind of hesitancy, shame and embarrassment that surrounds pornography that largely prevents families from getting the information they need to fight it from the start and individuals the courage to step forward later for help.
Mothers and wives are too humiliated to approach bookstore registers with a book about helping a loved one overcome pornography.
Fathers are timid to talk about it with theirs sons, who, on average, have already viewed pornography by age 11, according to a peer-reviewed study by University of Alabama researcher Jennings Bryant. The average age is likely younger today. Bryant conducted that study in 1986, a decade before the Web, when pornography was still tucked away behind convenience store counters.
Google has generally been a powerful tool for anyone looking for answers, especially private ones. But even though hundreds of helpful organizations, professionals, scholarly studies and practical tips can be netted online, using keywords like "pornography" to search for help may seem more like cruel irony for many parents than the origin of a solution, akin to reaching over raging rapids to grab a life vest.
"It's the shame of it," said Geoff Steurer, a licensed sex addiction therapist in St. George. "That's the No. 1, most important thing they have to overcome. They've got get past that."
Talk about it
Parents who can't get past the discomfort of the subject of pornography long enough for occasional chats about it with their children are generally hurting them two-fold:
First, parents are a child's only chance at getting the facts about what sex really means and about pornography's real effects, said Jill Manning, a therapist who specializes in pornography addiction out of Westminster, Colo.
Bona fide facts about pornographic involvement aren't taught at school and teens aren't Googling for peer-reviewed research about the subject online. If they did, they might find studies like one that indicates the frontal lobe of a porn addict's brain actually shrinks, impairing his judgment, according to 2009 research by Dr. Don Hilton, a member of the American Board of Neurological Surgery; or other studies by Alabama's Bryant like his 1979 one that showed men who regularly viewed pornography are less likely to want daughters, less likely to support women's equality and more forgiving of rapists; or his 1984 study, with co-researcher Dolf Zillmann that showed six hours of even softer "erotic" pornography tends to change a person's mind about the importance of marriage, or a woman's attractiveness.
Instead, tweeners and teens are learning flippancy toward sex with every pornographic image and sexual innuendo in pop music, fashion magazines (which devote an average of 2.5 pages per issue for sexual topics) and movies — all of which they're an audience to for an average of 7 hours a day, according to recent statement by the American Academy of Pediatrics. This month, AAP reported kids exposed to unregulated amounts of sexual material in the media are twice as likely to engage in sexually risky behavior at a younger age than youth with regular parental limitations. Secondly, when parents ignore the topic it sends the message that not only is pornography forbidden, it's too taboo to talk about.
And how can children be expected to have courage enough to approach their parents about a pornography problem when their parents can't even muster the courage to bring it up themselves? said Manning, the author of "Let's talk about the Elephant in the Room." "Parents can't afford to shy away any longer."
Get technical
If parents don't want pornography "inspiring" their teen's sexual behavior — like 53 percent of 292 high schoolers said it did for them in a 2004 Swedish study by Uppsala University researchers Tanja Tyden and Chrisina Rogala — they need to make an effort to familiarize themselves with where pornography occurs first and most often: technology.
"These are the digital natives," said Ken Knapton, a cyber safety blogger and author of "Cyber Safety: Maintaining Morality in a Digital World," who spoke at the UCAP conference. "They've never known anything but the technology that surrounds them. We, on the other hand, are the digital immigrants; we're still learning all this."
Parents don't need to become "expert" technologists to be effective in their fight to protect their kids, Knapton said.
He recommended purchasing and understanding the basic options of a good Internet filter, especially one that will force Google or another search engine's SafeSearch to remain in at least "moderate" mode.
"If you don't have your Internet blocked (by a filter) you might as well tell your children, 'Anything goes,'" said Patrick Trueman, former chief of the U.S. Department of Justice's Child and Exploitation and Obscenity Section.
In the end, however, no matter how often parents check their child's cell phone for sexting, or how well they think they block game consoles, computers and cable TV stations, such "technology solutions" give a false sense of security when used, Knapton blogged in a post titled "Technology won't solve everything."
"The problem of online predators and other cyber dangers is not going to be solved by simply making use of more technology — it requires that we interact with our children, teach them of the dangers in the world, and help them understand how to recognize the warning signs, and inform them of what to do when they see those signs," Knapton wrote.
Don't be naive
It's naive of parents to think they can drop $30 on filtering software, walk away and never look back, at least according to several researchers who found a 9- to 13-percent-wide hole in that idea.
Between their least and most restrictive settings, six of the most popular Internet filters blocked between 87 and 91 percent of pornographic sites, said Dr. Caroline Richardson, University of Michigan Medical School researcher.
And that means one in every 10 images still has a shot at hitting Web-wandering children, especially those who curiously aim for it. Trueman may have been right all along, that the danger of pornography can be compared to that of a handgun, "loaded to the hilt."
"And while a gun may miss," he said, "pornography never does."
How to check computers
If you suspect a computer is being used to view pornography, you can check in three ways:
Web browser history. For Internet Explorer, look for "History" in the dropdown box next to the address field. For Firefox, click the "History" tab located above the address field. The history will provide a list of each website visited.
Temporary Internet Files folder. Open Internet Explorer, and type in the following address in the address field: C:WINDOWSTempTemporary Internet Files
The folder keeps all files associated with Internet browsing.
Image search. For PC users, click the "Start" button from your desktop; select "Pictures, music, or video"; then, select "Pictures and photos." Leave the "file name" search field blank, and when you hit "Search," the computer will retrieve every image on the hard drive.
email: jhancock@desnews.com