A lot of kids today have no idea how much their college tuition is because the bill goes to their parents and they never see it. Or they get a student loan that they won't have to start paying back until they are 'out in the world making lots of money.'
What do you think is the biggest danger your kids face as they grow up in this world and move toward their own life outside your home?
We could make a pretty good case for debt.
A lot of kids today have no idea how much their college tuition is because the bill goes to their parents and they never see it. Or they get a student loan that they won't have to start paying back until they are "out in the world making lots of money."
And they don't know how much their cars cost because they are focused only on how much the monthly payment is. And they think they can keep charging this little thing and that little thing on their credit card because it's easy not to worry about it until the bill comes, and even then, the minimum payment is not very much.
The spend-now, pay-later mentality of today's society is killing lots of adults, but it's hard even to imagine the effect it will have on kids who grow up with it and get as dependent on it as they are on oxygen. (See www.EntitlementTrap.com.)
Talking about "saving up" or "delayed gratification" is like talking about a log cabin or a horse and buggy, and buying with cash would seem suspicious to most kids who might ask, "Who has cash? Drug dealers?"
The problem is not only that our kids will get buried in debt, but also that they may never know the real joy of working for and waiting for something, of going without until you can afford, of mending and making do, of driving an old car until you actually have the money to buy a newer one.
There have even been recent polls that show that young adults assign a certain status to debt and think it is a bit weird not to have any.
When did debt become so acceptable? When did we stop fearing it? When did we forget that it can destroy lives and create constant stress?
We used to tell our kids that there were only two kinds of "good debt." One was borrowing for education and the other was a home mortgage. Both of those, we told them, were actually better thought of as investments because they would certainly produce a financial return. The education debt would result in much higher earning power, and the home would surely appreciate.
Not so much today. We're pretty sure our kids will not tell their kids that either of those are always "good debts," because in today's world it is much more uncertain that all education debt will be compensated by higher earning; and with so many homeowners (including a couple of our kids) underwater with houses valued at less than what remains on their mortgage, few would call all mortgages prudent.
We think that perhaps the best thing we taught our children was the "10-20-70" formula, which meant pay the first 10 percent to the Church, the next 20 percent to your savings, and live on the remaining 70 percent.
The 20 percent went into a separate, beyond-reach account that they could invest but not consume. Thus they all became investors (some better than others) and had the security of a constantly growing savings account (our family bank paid exorbitantly high interest for added incentive) and they learned that, once expectations are adjusted, it is just as easy to live on 70 percent as on 100 percent.
As parents, we all need to find our own ways of teaching our children the very counter-cultural and old-fashioned ideas of avoiding consumer debt, of putting away a percentage, of not buying things until we have the money, of finding good deals, and of getting by with what we can afford until we can afford something better.
And guess what? As we try hard to teach these basic principles, we may start living them better ourselves.
The Eyres' three latest books are "The Entitlement Trap," "5 Spiritual Solutions" and "The Three Deceivers." Richard and Linda are New York Times No. 1 best-selling authors who lecture throughout the world on family-related topics. Read Linda Eyre's blog at www.deseretnews.com/blog/81/A-World-of-Good.html and visit the Eyres anytime at www.TheEyres.com or www.valuesparenting.com.