When I look at successful families, one defining characteristic stands out: The children know how to work.
We all know the value of hard work, but in today’s world, it’s an uphill battle to teach our kids. We’re told that kids need to run free in the meadows or play on a soccer team, not scrub toilets.
Don’t get me wrong. My kids are, at this moment, running free in the meadow behind our house. We do soccer, too. But every week I get a flyer for a local maid service with the slogan, “Life is too short to clean your own house,” and I think about the missed opportunities when we outsource work from our homes.
There are a million methods for instilling work: chore charts, peg boards, allowances, etc. I think every family needs to find what works for them. This is what has worked for us. It changes with the seasons, and as our kids grow older and become more skilled.
1. Be consistent
Here’s how it shakes down in our family. On the first day of the new year, everyone gets a big cleaning assignment for the year: vacuum the entire house, scrub all bathrooms, mop all floors, etc. The big chore is done on Saturday. Everyone knows what they are supposed to do. The same goes for meal prep and clean up. There is an expectation. It wasn’t easy when we first got started, but the more consistent we are, the better things run.
2. Teach them first
One thing I’ve learned is that kids don’t come with cleaning instinct. If you set them down in a room with a vacuum, they will run right down the middle and be done. Give them a spray bottle, and they’ll aim it at their brother’s eye before they even think of cleaning a window.
You have to teach them, step-by-step, how to vacuum around the edges and pull out the hose for the nooks and crannies. Sometimes they have to be reminded — OK, so mine have to be reminded almost every day. But somewhere along the line, it clicks. You ask your son to unload the dishwasher, and lo and behold, every spoon gets to its proper place.
Teaching takes time, so it might be the step we’re inclined to skip, but if we put in the effort to teach, the rewards will follow.
3. Don’t make it impossible
Invest in kid-sized brooms, so the little ones can help with the kitchen floor. I bought a small hand-vac when I realized it was too hard for my kids to vacuum the stairs with the large vacuum. For my son who cleans bathrooms, I bought a caddy to carry around the cleaners and rags. And because the bathroom cleaning has so many steps, I typed the instructions and stuck them in a plastic protector, so he can carry those around, too.
5. Let them feel a little strain
We don't want to make it impossible, but it’s OK to expect hard things from our children. In fact, our family motto is “I can do hard things.”
It may sound cruel, but I think it’s OK for kids to be pushed out of their comfort zone. For a while my son didn’t think he could carry the vacuum down the stairs. Finally I told him, “Abraham Lincoln helped build a log cabin when he was 6. You can carry that vacuum.”
“But I’ll drop it!” he said.
“I bet you won’t,” was my reply. Not surprisingly, he carried that vacuum.
Whenever I’m tempted to coddle my kids and let them off the hook, I think of those pioneer children who walked the plains. Our kids can do hard things.
4. Ask often
Besides the big chores, kids should be expected to pitch in whenever mom, dad or siblings need help. My philosophy is if my kids are complaining about work, then I’m not working them hard enough. It should be second nature. That means we all pitch in to set the table and get dinner ready, and we all help clean up.
One form of work I often overlook is between siblings. Older siblings can teach younger ones how to clean, how to tie a shoe or how to zip up a coat. This not only draws siblings closer together, but it gives an older sibling a sense of pride for helping.
6. Appreciate all types of work
Playing a musical instrument can be an incredible form of work. It teaches discipline and concentration. The same can be said of schoolwork, dance or playing team sports. In a time when most of us don’t have cows to milk and fields to harvest, it’s important for parents to get creative about teaching our children to work hard.
Big projects are also a great way to get the entire family working. Shoveling dirt for a garden, building a compost pile or painting a bedroom can be both fun and rewarding.
7. Make it fun
Life isn’t always lollipops and rainbows, but we also don’t have to run our kids like they’re in Miss Hannigan’s orphanage. A lot of it has to do with our approach. Turning on upbeat music makes a huge difference. Setting a timer gives everyone energy and incentive to finish quickly. Carrot danglers are always great, and they don’t have to be anything fancy. They can be as simple as, “If we can clean the kitchen in 10 minutes, then we have time to play a game of UNO,” or “If you finish your chores in 30 minutes, you can have a small treat.”
Likewise, let the kids feel pride in the finished product: a sparkling house, a clean car or a bountiful vegetable garden.
It’s not always easy to teach our kids to work, but it is always worth it. After all, life is too short not to teach our children the value of hard work.
Tiffany Gee Lewis writes humorous and thoughtful commentary on the life of a stay-at-home mother in her column, From the Homefront, which appears on MormonTimes.com on Tuesdays.
Follow her blog, "The Tiffany Window," at http://thetiffanywindow.wordpress.com.
