The last time I (Richard) was in Hawaii, it was a second honeymoon for Linda and me. (Or was it a third?) But this time I am on the north shore of Maui to help middle son Jonah find a place to build. He and his wife, Aja, are moving from the Olympic Peninsula of Washington to Hawaii.
I view it with mixed emotions. On the one hand, he is taking four of my cutest grandkids a very long way from me. On the other hand, it will be a nice place to visit. On the one hand, it's a very long (and usually expensive) flight. On the other hand, once we get there, we will probably stay longer than if he lived closer.
Actually though, all that is really beside the point, because the great thing is how firmly and totally (and uniquely) they are committed to parenting and to their kids.
And while we wouldn't suggest it for all parents, their lifestyle and method of prioritizing their kids is truly unique.
Jonah started out as a home builder, and a very successful one. He general contracted multimillion dollar homes in Las Vegas and then St. George.
But the pressures and time commitments were extreme, and he began to have the same thoughts that so many parents have: "I am in danger of neglecting the most important parts of my life — my marriage and my children. I will have each of these children in my home and in my care for only about 18 years, which is about one-fifth of a normal lifetime. When they are gone, I will still have my work, still have my hobbies and interests, still have my church callings and other priorities, but I will not have my kids with me each day anymore."
Aja had the same worries. Lots of people share these concerns and dilemmas, but the difference is that Jonah and Aja decided to do something about it. In their case, they did something pretty dramatic, something that, like we mentioned, would not work for everyone.
They spent some time looking at a map and at the Internet trying to decide where they could live more simply and less expensively and focus primarily on their children. They chose New Zealand and used their savings and a dramatic downsizing of needs to allow them to make the move.
They farmed, both did part-time and odd jobs, and they essentially went "green" and "off the grid," converting cars to run on vegetable oil that fast food places throw away and raising most of their own food. Most importantly, they spent quality time with their children — lots of quality time.
When the learning curve started to flatten in New Zealand, they repeated the experiment on a beautiful (and very inexpensive) small farm on the Olympic Peninsula. Each time, due to frugality, property improvement and simple, basic living, they came out well ahead and finished their residency with a higher net worth than they had started with.
Jonah likes to say, "There are two ways to be financially independent — one is to have unlimited money and the other is to have very limited needs. We choose the latter."
And now, seeking one more type of experience for their kids and themselves, they are doing it again on the laid back, more rural north shore of Maui. The piece of land we found is remarkably reasonable and has a tiny dwelling on it where they can "camp out" until they can build on another part of the property. The kids will raise sheep and pigs and chickens and learn from the diversity of that part of the island.
Let's end where we began, with second honeymoons. If you are thinking about one, think about the north shore of Maui. It is the real Hawaii, without most of the tourists, spas and crowded beaches. It rains more there, sure, but that's why it's so green. Try the Paia Inn, Eat at Mama's fish house (or stay there) and don't miss the Fish Market eatery in downtown Paia.
Who knows, you might even run into Jonah and Aja!
The Eyres' next book is "THE ENTITLEMENT TRAP: How to rescue your child with a new family system of choosing, earning, and ownership." Richard and Linda are New York Times No. 1 best-selling authors who lecture throughout the world on family-related topics. Visit the Eyres anytime at www.TheEyres.com. The Entitlement Trap can now be preordered. See details at www.valuesparenting.com.