Wahoos and Wingnuts? Gone.
Rubber Ducks and Flying Squirrels? Grounded.
Zips? Shut out.
Those and 43 other teams have been eliminated from the Deseret News Mascot Madness funniest team name tournament. Now only the funniest 16 team names are left — and the matchups are scintillating.
Vote for your favorites on the Deseret News Sports Facebook page.
Vocational Region
1. Community Colleges of Spokane Sasquatch
Looking for Sasquatch? Well, the Community Colleges of Spokane says on its athletics homepage that it is the home of the Bigfoot. This mascot is so awesome that three colleges in the Spokane area use it as part of a shared athletic program. Bigfoot/Sasquatch has spawned several high-profile media campaigns, such as Animal Planet’s "Finding Bigfoot" and the Jack Link’s Beef Jerky commercials. It was only natural that someone would make the legendary creature a mascot. The only question is, how did the Community Colleges of Spokane claim Sasquatch first?
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5. Trinity Christian College Trolls
You don’t need to look under a bridge or in the comments of anything on the Internet to find the Trolls. You can find them at Trinity Christian College. At least this mascot is intimidating. He’s big, ugly and has a big club. Still, trolls don’t exactly have the best reputation. Didn’t Harry Potter take down a troll in the first book?
2. Bethany College Terrible Swedes
Bethany College was founded by a group of Lutheran Swedish immigrants, so it makes sense that it would look back to its Swedish heritage with pride. Still, the word “terrible” has a different connotation today than when this college was founded in 1881. It’s definitely a more creative nickname than “Vikings.” That said, a nickname like this lends itself to some silly thoughts. Would the Swedish Chef from the Muppets be considered a Terrible Swede?
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11. Providence Christian College Sea Beggars
No, the Sea Beggars aren’t people who ask for assistance out on the ocean. In short, they’re Dutch Calvinist Pirates. The term is a translation of the Dutch word "watergeuzen." These buccaneers helped fight the mighty Spanish Armada and liberate the port of Brill. Since Providence Christian has Dutch Calvinist roots, this mascot makes sense. At any rate, ignore these Sea Beggars' demands at your own peril.
Wild Animal Region
1. Arkansas-Monticello Boll Weevils
A boll weevil is an infesting beetle that eats cotton and flowers. The Arkansas-Monticello Boll Weevils are a Division II team from the Great American Conference. Their colors are green and white and they have one of the coolest mascots in all of sports.
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5. El Paso Chihuahuas
The Chihuahuas are a Triple-A baseball team, affiliated with the San Diego Padres. The chihuahua is the smallest breed of dog and is named after the state of Chihuahua in Mexico. But seriously, who is going to get intimidated by that?
3. Lehigh Valley IronPigs
The IronPigs are a minor league baseball team affiliated with the Philadelphia Phillies. IronPigs refers to pig iron, which isn’t actually an animal but is crude iron obtained from a smelting furnace. They started dabbling with a bacon logo this season, which has nothing to do with iron, but is awesome because everything’s better with bacon.
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2. UC-Santa Cruz Banana Slugs
From the Santa Cruz website: “The Banana Slug (is) a bright yellow, slimy, shell-less mollusk commonly found on the redwood forest floor.” The UCSC Banana Slugs participate in Division III athletics, but are not affiliated with any conference. The picture of their mascot features a muscular banana slug. Chances are their track team or cross-country wouldn’t be that good, anyway.
Food & Things Region
1. North Carolina School of the Arts Fighting Pickles
This one is just so out there, there’s almost nowhere to begin. The Fighting Pickles? The name was selected by the school’s student body in 2010 to represent the school. There’s no indication what inspired the name, other than maybe a bad case of indigestion.
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13. Normal CornBelters
This is another one of those double-meaning team names. Normal, Illinois, is in the nation’s corn belt, and they like to belt home runs there, we assume. However, the logo isn’t fierce or intimidating. Instead, it’s a corncob that appears either smug or uninterested. Hopefully that’s not an artist’s rendition of the fans' experience at CornBelters games.
2. Montgomery Biscuits
Of all the food-named teams (yes, there are more), nobody has a more lovable mascot than a biscuit with googly eyes and appendages. After the team relocated to Montgomery from Orlando, the Double-A affiliate of the Tampa Bay Rays held a fan contest, and naturally the biscuit won. While more teams side with scary and threatening nicknames and mascots, biscuits are high in calories and fat, so they’re probably just as deadly — just give it time.
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14. Delta State Fighting Okra
Delta State technically isn’t the Fighting Okra, but students helped rename the school’s mascot from the Statesmen, according to collegevisits.org. The school’s athletic department chose not to adopt that name; thus, they slide all the way down here as the No. 14 seed because Delta State is sill Statesmen in sports. However, they are the Okra in the hearts of the students, and that’s good enough for a No. 14 seed.
Noah Should Have Left These Off the Ark Region
1. St. John’s College Platypi
Like the makeup of the platypus, the story of St. John's is a bit strange. The private liberal arts school has two campuses: Santa Fe, New Mexico, and Annapolis, Maryland. And it has two mascots — both a little strange. While the Platypus is used as a mascot, most of the teams go by the nickname "Books," which refers to its curriculum based on "reading and discussing seminal great works of Western civilization."
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4. Bryant & Stratton (Cleveland) Lemmings
Of Bryant & Stratton's 10 campuses, Cleveland has the worst (best?) nickname in the Lemmings. Not exactly intimidating to face an animal known for jumping to its death.
2. Fort Wayne Mad Ants
Fort Wayne, Indiana — the capital of strange names — was named after Revolutionary War General Mad Anthony Wayne, so the Mad Ants makes sense to the hometown fans of the NBA Developmental League team. The Ants have been less mad lately after winning the D-League title and their top scorer getting a cool profile in Sports Illustrated.
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3. Greensboro Grasshoppers
The Marlins' single-A affiliate's logo is about as wimpy as it gets, but the team gets props for being unique. The storied franchise changed its name from the Bats in 2005, the same year it moved out of 80-year-old War Memorial Stadium.
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