The post read, “Are you blessed with an abundance of self-doubt? Do you have a lifetime supply of insecurity? … Hey me too! Let’s talk about it.”
I saw this post while scrolling through Instagram. It was from one of my favorite gals, Brooke White from American Idol (season seven), and I thought, “Hey! Me too! When can we talk?” Turns out she was coming to Provo to speak at Creative Collaborative on the topic of insecurity and finding success, and I was so excited to finally meet the “other blonde Mormon from Idol” that I’d been social media stalking for years.
We met briefly in the bathroom as we were washing our hands before her presentation, and I had to pinch myself so I didn’t fangirl out and scare her away by screaming, “I love you so much!” Instead, I just said, “Hi! I’m Carmen,” a little too loudly.
“Carmen!” she exclaimed, pulling me in for a hug. She was wearing a flowered vintage maxi dress, perfectly messy curly hair under a large-brimmed sun hat, and no makeup. I liked her instantly.
I took my seat in the very back of the room (it was jampacked) and watched as Brooke breezed in and launched into a truly inspiring and uplifting sermon on how she deals with the inevitable anxiety and insecurities that come with putting yourself out there in the artistic world.
“That introduction was so sweet,” she said as she walked up to the mic after being introduced. “But not completely true. It was said that I so fearlessly am willing to talk about my self-doubt. The truth is, I am afraid. But I’m still talking about it.”
And just like that, she had us all mesmerized with her beautiful, deep, raspy voice (which, shockingly to me, she said she used to “hate”).
“The fact that I even started singing was something that was painful for me to do,” she said. “Throughout my life, I’ve struggled to enjoy it.”
Brooke talked about growing up in a home that was very supportive of creativity and artistic exploration. She said she started singing around age 9 and picked up the guitar when she was 14. When she was 16, she headed to Los Angeles to try to make it big and was met with major disappointment and heartache. Her confidence was shot, and she said she didn’t sing after that — at all — for nearly two years.
“Then after some gentle promptings from my parents, I decided to take some classes at a college, and I found myself in the back of a room during a music class,” she said. “I was invited to come up to the front and sing improv with the band.”
That’s when her love for music came back, and she started the journey of embracing who she so uniquely is.
“I always wanted to be better and thought that I just needed to work harder or practice more,” she said. “My range isn’t large. I have cracks and breaks. But accepting my instrument is something I’ve learned to do, and at the end of the day, when it comes to using our talents, we just have to work with what we have.”
Brooke’s absolute realness and openness about her struggle to find security struck a chord with me. I’m not sure if it was because I could relate to so much of her life story or because I got a much-needed night out solo, but I came away from Creative Collaborative feeling renewed and reassured.
And even though the topic of the evening was insecurity, Brooke White planted seeds of confidence and ambition in my heart that just might bloom into another creative project somewhere down the road.
Carmen Rasmusen Herbert is a former "American Idol" contestant who writes about entertainment and family for the Deseret News.