Dear Julianne,
Congratulations on your recent marriage to hockey player Brooks Laich! Your wedding at Lake Coeur d’Alene in Idaho looked idyllic and dreamy. You mentioned the day as “perfection” in an interview with People magazine, and I wanted to give you some advice on married life — you know, from a very experienced veteran of 11 years.
We were married in the depths of December and came home to a tiny snow-covered basement apartment in a fourplex in a part of Provo I didn’t even know existed. It wasn’t glamorous by any sense of the word, but we made it ours. I fully believe you can make whatever house you live in a home from the love that abides there. Grow that love. Kind, gentle words and lots of service can make a tiny cottage feel like a mansion. A little paint can go a long way, but so can a good attitude and great sense of humor.
As you get settled into your new life as husband and wife, you may notice things about your husband you didn’t before. Embrace his differences. Sometimes you might feel an urge to vent your frustrations to your family. Don’t. They don’t know him like you know him, and your worries will only make them worry. Stay loyal in your words and thoughts.
When and if you have children, let him be a parent. As mothers, we tend to tell our husbands how to do everything, and even if we fully believe our way is better, let him do things his way. Even if the kids wear pajamas all day. Even if they eat cereal for breakfast lunch and dinner. Even if they watch three shows and don’t take a nap and go out for treats before dinner. Watch how they interact with your husband. Watch how they look up to him. Let him learn by making mistakes the same way you did. Let him love them the way only he can.
There was a stretch in our marriage that we didn’t go on dates as much. We stayed home with the kids and then fell into bed exhausted at the end of the night, hardly even having a full conversation with each other. Life was busy, and that was OK. But we've learned that making time for each other is absolutely essential. Find out where he is, what he’s thinking, what he needs.
I often felt like I was giving, giving, giving all day long and had nothing left at the end of the day. They might not admit it, but men need lots of attention! They like to feel needed and appreciated. This is when I discovered the magic of homemade chocolate chip cookies. After a long day at work, or sometimes after an argument or just to get back on the same page, I will make a batch of chocolate chip cookies from A Bountiful Kitchen. Cookies have magical healing powers, I’ve discovered. They have become our “thing.” Find a “thing” with your husband. Make it special and meaningful.
So many people call marriage “just a piece of paper” these days, and it makes me sad. I hear lots of young people talk about not wanting to get tied down or get too serious too young. But growing up from my 20s on with my husband has been one of the sweetest parts of my life. We got to watch each other continue to discover our strengths and work on our weaknesses. We have cheered for each other. We have lifted each other. Having a partner to walk through life with has been my greatest blessing. So many nights I lay in bed and look over at my husband (he’s usually the first to fall asleep) and feel so grateful that I have him. He’s my person. He was then, he is now, and he always will be. I have his name, and he has my heart.
I wish you years of love, learning and laughter and happily ever after. Beautiful stories do exist. Here’s to the next chapter of yours.
Cheers,
Carmen