This is a great time of year to be a sports fan. It seems that everywhere you turn, there’s a game of some sort underway, from the smallest football players to professional round-ballers, the sidelines or stands packed with anxious spectators.
Those spectators often include cheerleaders who are sometimes as fun to watch as the team. The really good ones can whip the crowd into a frenzy, and more often than not, the team amps up its performance.
In thinking about cheerleaders, I was reminded that sports teams aren’t the only ones who need encouragement.
Last September, Utah’s faith leaders and elected officials participated in a national weekend of prayer for suicide prevention. Speaking about the event, Lt. Gov. Spencer Cox, an outspoken advocate of efforts to prevent suicide, praised those who turn to a higher power to help with the battle. "If we bring that spirit of humanity, that spirit of help, together, we can actually change lives," he said.
Amen to that. And it doesn’t just apply to those who may have thoughts of suicide; many people, young and old, are struggling with issues of low self-esteem, lack of acceptance, inadequacy, anxiety, depression ... the list goes on. For numerous reasons, all these negative emotions are amplified during the holiday season. There’s a difference between being alone and being lonely. But if we are to “bring that spirit of humanity, that spirit of help, together” to change lives, as Cox suggests, it must involve more, much more, than calling on the divine for help.
Psychologists teach that human beings generally respond positively to positive reinforcement. Whether in a team situation or as individuals, people more often than not react favorably and even with confidence to messages like “You can do it,” “I believe in you” and “I support you.”
And now science confirms what your mom and grandma always knew: Hugs really do help you feel better.
A study from the Department of Psychology at Carnegie Mellon University shows there is a causal link between emotional states and conflicts and the number of hugs a person gives or receives. Stated more simply, the study shows that hugging — consensual, of course — helps people feel less poorly after conflicts or negative events during their day.
The study shows the positive effects of hugging across all genders and ages and concludes that both men and women may benefit equally from being hugged on days when conflicts occur. According to the study, whether the huggers were in a romantic relationship, the mood-related benefits still occurred.
The Dutch clergyman Henri Nouwen said, “When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives meant the most to us, we often find it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand.”
I have written before about my involvement with the Utah Anti-Bullying Coalition. Every time we met with a student group, we would remind them that the words they use matter; that, in fact, words can shape, or carve or cut.
We now have a U.S. president who often uses words to cut. He regularly hurls out demeaning terms to describe those with whom he disagrees or who disagree with him. It makes him the antithesis of a cheerleader. Would that we all could refuse to follow his example.
Each of the world’s major religions teaches a variation of what Christians call the golden rule: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” It’s the most basic form of positive reinforcement, of cheerleading.
The Deseret News recently editorialized about what individual Utahns can do to make a difference in suicide prevention: “… refusing to bully and belittle others, staying aware of those who may be in turmoil, having earnest conversations with friends and associates, listening to hear rather than just listening to reply.”
Once again, it’s counsel that applies not only to suicide prevention but to any situation where a person may be grappling with tough issues and in need of positive reinforcement.
Each of us doubtless knows someone who is struggling, someone who could use a hug and a good cheerleader. We don’t need pompoms or a sweater with a team logo, just a willingness to say and mean: “You can do it,” “I believe in you” and “I support you.”