Gillette recently came out with a commercial titled “We Believe” that has caused major controversy. The ad shows boys fighting and being bullied, men making inappropriate moves and gestures toward women, and fathers standing around idly at barbecues watching all this happen while shaking their heads and shrugging their shoulders, saying, “boys will be boys.”
“It’s been going on far too long,” the spot says. “We can’t laugh it off, making the same old excuses. There will be no going back. Because we? We believe in the best in men.”
Toward the end, the ad shows men breaking up the fights, deciding to finally take a stand, “to say the right thing, to act the right way … because the boys watching today will be the men of tomorrow.”
In this, I wholeheartedly agree. Boys do watch. Boys do emulate. They will become who we are telling them they are. And that is precisely where Gillette has missed the mark.
There is a saying, “I am what I think you think I am.” If we are constantly telling our boys and men that they are bullies, sexual predators, lovers of violence, complacent, lazy — who do we think they’ll become? What expectations do we have of them? If we really want to teach our young boys — and as a mother of four, this is my deepest, most earnest desire — to become good men, we have to treat them as if they already are.
Enter Egard Watches.
In a response ad to Gillette’s “We Believe,” the watch company released its own vision of inspiring men to be better by focusing on their goodness. They sacrifice, save, support and struggle. So often, good men put their lives on the line — physically, mentally, emotionally — for others. Others like women. Others like me. Are we speaking gratitude for that? Do we know how impactful our words are?
A few years ago, my husband and I took the "5 Love Languages" quiz. My two primary love languages were Acts of Service and Quality Time. My husband’s were Physical Touch and, surprisingly, Words of Affirmation.
I remember getting into an argument sometime later. Our emotions got the best of us, and in the heat of the moment, I called my husband a “jerk.” I will never forget how hurt he looked.
“What?” I said, still fuming.
“That is really hurtful,” he said quietly. “I try really hard not to be a jerky guy. That isn’t who I am. I don’t ever want you to think of me that way.”
I don’t think it was necessarily the word that got to him, but the fact that he thought that was how I saw him. I didn’t realize how much weight my words have. I can be a builder of character or a wrecking ball of degradation.
I believe Gillette was truly trying to be motivating with its “We Believe” ad. I believe the creators wanted to help men rise above the negative stereotypes. That was the goal. But by focusing on and pointing out all of the bad qualities some men possess, they ended up grouping all men together as “jerks.” And that’s not fair.
We need to talk about our men, boys and sons more positively. I look at the five males who I share a home with and am constantly amazed at their tenacity and fearlessness and sensitivity and resilience. I am not ashamed to admit that I need my little men. I need their masculinity. I need them to ground me and settle my emotions. I need them to bring out my fun side and relax. I need their protection. I need their love as much as they need mine. Like the Gillette ad, I believe in the best in them. Like the Egard ad, I see the good in them. We are all trying to say the same thing, aren’t we? Let’s say it with confidence and love.