In 2007, with David Wilkinson attending graduate school and Amanda pregnant with their third child, the couple’s second daughter became critically ill to the point of a life-threatening situation.
While their daughter remained in the intensive care unit for over a month, the family stayed at the Ronald McDonald House and David commuted an hour to classes. Their nearest relatives lived across the country.
”We started feeling like we were just hanging by a thread,” Amanda Wilkinson said. “We started feeling like can we even be stretched any more?”
It was under those heavy circumstances that the Wilkinsons began keeping a gratitude journal.
”We started to talk about the way that we saw the hand of God in our lives that day,” Wilkinson said. “What that was able to do in a really dark and difficult time was give us a sense of hope, a sense of God’s goodness and grace and awareness when there were so many indicators around us that kind of testified at his silence.”
That practice of gratitude and searching for God’s hand has continued over the last 12 years, Wilkinson said, and it’s been “game-changing” as they have endured even harder trials.
Their daughter eventually made a remarkable recovery, but three years later their fourth child, a healthy young son, unexpectedly died.
Fast forward to 2018. The same daughter that almost died in 2007, now a teenager, was accidentally electrocuted and continues to face multiple problems in what her mother could only describe as “a complete nightmare.”
Even so, the family is striving to focus on gratitude. It’s become “an incredibly healthy and life-changing coping mechanism,” she said.
”We believe in engaging in a gratitude practice, just like you would with exercising or eating healthy foods, an ongoing practice,” Wilkinson said. “As you continue on that pathway, it will help you see the goodness in your life when things are bleak. The daily practice of having gratitude has been life-giving through some of the darkest storms of our life.”
Having gratitude is not a denial of difficult things, it’s choosing to shine the light and the focus of God’s grace and mercy on the blessings of life. Training your children to practice gratitude is something every parent should do, Amanda Wilkinson said.
”You know,” Amanda Wilkinson said, “the best thing that we did for family when going through absolute trauma and hell so many years ago was integrating this into the fabric of who our family is, that we are a family of gratitude.”
In his October 2007 general conference remarks, “O Remember, Remember,” President Henry B. Eyring, second counselor in the First Presidency, described how he began recording the daily evidence of God’s blessings for his family. This nightly routine blessed the Eyring family in multiple ways, he said.
”More than gratitude began to grow in my heart. Testimony grew. I became ever more certain that our Heavenly Father hears and answers prayers. I felt more gratitude for the softening and refining that come because of the Atonement of the Savior Jesus Christ,” President Eyring said. “My point is to urge you to find ways to recognize and remember God’s kindness.”
Paul Newman, a licensed marriage and family therapist, is a staunch advocate of gratitude journals. Writing down blessings has not only helped his clients but it’s bolstered him personally.
”With all the atrocities happening in the world, people are hardwired to look at the negativity. It can become a habit,” Newman said. “Thinking about the good things in your life counteracts the negative and helps you to have an attitude of gratitude.”
With the Thanksgiving season approaching, the Deseret News invited members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints to share how keeping a gratitude journal has made a positive difference in their lives. Here are their thoughts.
Brian Mickelson
Last Christmas season I was unusually down a little. Typically I’m pretty cheerful so I was a bit surprised to not feel like my normal self. I decided to start the gratitude journal so that I would spend the end of each day focusing on feelings of gratitude. It really worked, and much better than I had imagined. No matter how my day had gone, it seemed to end cheerfully as I focused on moments in the day when I felt gratitude. I really loved it and continue to look forward to the end of the day when I can focus on my favorite parts of the day and expressing a little gratitude for those moments.
I started on Jan. 1, 2019, and each day have been able to write at least three things I felt grateful for during the day. At first I really didn’t want to do it and have always kind of thought it was a little contrived. Boy was I wrong. I look forward to writing in the gratitude journal each night and wouldn’t miss. I take it on vacations, etc.
Mariam Black
I started a gratitude journal after the loss of our baby. Journaling didn’t take away my heartache, but it did help me have perspective. It helped me to not focus on the sadness and grief, and I was able to see there was still so much good in my life. I miss my daughter and it is still painful, but my life still has value, my family is wonderful, and God still loves me. Knowing that I needed to find three things to be grateful for every night forced me to look deeper, to see more and to keep trying. I’ve had the opportunity to lead journaling discussions in support groups for families experiencing loss. I’m always so amazed at what a difference gratitude journaling makes. In my observation, it helps every time. It doesn’t erase the pain, but somehow the burden seems lighter when you are looking for the good in life.
Tony Russell
I started in earnest about three years ago. I really felt like I wanted to experience gratitude on a deeper level. I felt like a lot of my gratitude was really just spent in simple thank-you’s. I sensed there was something lacking, that maybe my gratitude was a little bit shallow.
I had seen this method of writing in a gratitude journal and thought, well, maybe there’s a way for me to reflect and think deeper on some of these things and maybe identify a broader base of things that I was thankful for as opposed to a thank-you here and there. I started with lists of things I was grateful for: my neighbors, living in a beautiful place at the foot of mountains, flowers and views of a mountain above a lake. Those things began to take on greater importance for me as I would write them down and reflect upon them. The goal of broadening my depth of gratitude started to take place as I started to write down the different things.
What ended up happening over time is that I found as I kept these lists they started to be very samey and from day to day I was writing the same sorts of things. The power of the overall activity had kind of lost its meaning for me. So recently I stopped formally writing things down. I’ve replaced the activity with a sort of a morning meditation. When I wake up, the very first thing I do is sit up in my bed and I think of all the things that that I’m grateful for. I found that it’s become more of a spiritual exercise ... and it’s been wonderful. The biggest benefit has been getting out of my own head and learning to appreciate the bigger world around me.
Robyn Braegger
Every day for the past couple of years I have written accomplishments for the current day, goals for the next and finished by writing the best part of my day. That reflection at the end of my day brings clarity. Looking back/reading through those moments really does fill me up and help me remember a bigger purpose.
Troy Jensen
Three and a half years ago, around the time I separated from my spouse, I started writing in this journal that is my grateful book. My grateful book has made me so grateful. It makes you less self-centered. You don’t go “Woe is me.” You start enjoying life and you’re not materialistic. You bounce back faster.
Being grateful keeps a routine going. Every day I go on a grateful walk. When I’m on my grateful walk, you have your chin up and your shoulders back and endorphins come in and you appreciate everything. I’ll walk where I used to live with mom and dad. Everything comes back. It stimulates my gratefulness and I just love life. I’m grateful to be grateful. I
attribute it to when I started writing down three things I’m grateful for each day. I go to bed with a positive attitude.
I compare writing in my grateful book to prayer. Sometimes it’s hard to pray. Then when you pray you think “I’m so glad I said my prayers.” The grateful book has made that big of a difference in my life. It has absolutely changed my mindset to being positive. When people talk to me they say “You are one of the most enthusiastic, happy people I know.” I’ve always been grateful but to put it down in writing has just exploded it. It’s changed my life completely.
Hikari Loftus
I wrote in one for a couple months and I appreciated that it forced me to focus on what I was grateful for at the end of each day. It helped me close out my day on a positive note and over time I actually had better days because I was more aware of the good things happening to me. Also, every time I used my carpet cleaner, I wrote it into my gratitude journal so I could show my husband how worth it that purchase was for our family. haha.
Jessica Ricks
I have been doing this for years and it has helped me get through some pretty rotten days, times, and seasons. It started as “how did I see God’s hand in my life today,” but really is a mixture of those experiences and what I am most grateful for today (which really are the same thing). I keep a regular journal as well, but this smaller journal is just a one-liner per day. I love it. It brings me peace and gives me the opportunity to reflect on the day before I go to sleep.
Amy Bouy
I started many years back when I went through my divorce. It was a great simple reminder about being positive and thankful for what you have. Some days I have “bedtime” written down because I was grateful that the day and whatever was going on was over and I could start again tomorrow. I also have a lot of specific people who are written down. It made me realize how God sends specific people into your life at just a specific time. It helped me to know that he is there and knew what I was going through and needed.
Janie Van Komen
I have taught classes on gratitude writing. The best thing is when you make a rule that you have to write something different every day. You can say you will not repeat yourself for a year or whatever time frame you decide. After you get all the standard things out of the way then you go deeper and that is when the gratitude healing really kicks in.
Ashlee Oxborrow
I started keeping a gratitude journal about a month ago and it has changed my life in small and significant ways. I find myself looking for blessings and kindnesses throughout the day. I feel more well overall. I write 10 specific things from the day I’m grateful for before I go to bed and it puts a happy spin on the day. I highly recommend it!
Emmilie Whitlock
Like all things in my life, I am very inconsistent at keeping an actual gratitude journal. But I have found the practice of keeping a record of specific things the Lord has blessed me with to be invigorating and transformative. In these last few months, as I’ve grappled with some personal heartache, I have felt prompted to write down specific experiences and blessings the Lord has showered upon me throughout my past. As I have done so, my pain has been replaced with gratitude. Gratitude has been the cooling, healing ointment for a searing ache in my heart. Gratitude is therapeutic.