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Pignanelli and Webb: Would Utah and other politicians have said 'This is the place'?

Small-town chambers are as American as apple pie.
We surmise some of our favorite politicians and other Utahns might have said something like the following had they paused at this spot overlooking the valley.
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Pignanelli & Webb: On July 24, 1847, Brigham Young, the prophet, pioneer and politician (nice alliteration), stood on a rise at the mouth of Emigration Canyon (right next to his statue) and declared, “This is a really cool place! Let’s jog on ahead!” (or something like that). It was a profound statement, and many politicians since that day have also wanted to make profound statements that will be remembered for generations.

So we surmise some of our favorite politicians and other Utahns might have said something like the following had they paused at this spot overlooking the valley:

President Donald Trump: “No, this isn’t the place, brothers and sisters. I see nothing but sagebrush, although there is a nice spot for a zoo … but no Trump towers or plush golf resorts. Besides, Romney lives here. I’m heading back to New York City — where I came from.”

Sen. Mitt Romney: “I see snow lingering on the mountain heights. This is the place where the Winter Games will be a roaring success, catapulting my political career into the U.S. Senate.”

Sen. Mike Lee: “This is the place of many conservatives, where I can hold seminars on the inspired Constitution all across the valley, even as a Tea Party revolt endangers a tall senator named Bennett. An eventual U.S. Supreme Court appointment is a logical outcome.”

Jazz owner Gail Miller: “This is an open, inviting place where we will welcome the world — especially really tall international people who can dunk.”

Gov. Gary Herbert: “This is the place that can blossom like a rose and lead the nation in job creation and business growth. Let’s go plant some potatoes!”

Former Gov. Jon Huntsman, Jr.: “This is the place for the headquarters of a great petrochemical firm, compassionate philanthropy, saving a faltering newspaper — all leading to diplomatic adventures in China, Russia, and possibly two stints as governor and U.S. Secretary of State!”

Chamber CEO Derek Miller: “This is the place for a great inland port. But it will require facing, like the pioneers did, great opposition and angry mobs. Isn’t there some open land in Davis County?”

The “Squad”: “What is this place? We must have arrived in a time machine. It’s like the 1950s. So many Republicans.”

Provo/Orem Chamber of Commerce: “We see a place of immense prosperity just to the south where marvelous health concoctions for skin, beauty, weight loss and physical improvement are packaged and sold. The acronym MLM rings in our ears, and will make many fortunes — if you’re at the top of the pyramid.”

Former Sen. Orrin Hatch: “This is the place where a young litigator who battled his way out of liberal Pennsylvania can become a U.S. Senate fixture, a poster child for vitamins and writer of songs during boring Senate hearings.”

Attorney General Sean Reyes: “This is the place populated by wonderful, trusting people who open their homes and bank accounts to evil solicitors of fraudulent schemes. This gives me an opportunity to bust bad guys while dancing to rap music.”

Lt. Gov. Spencer Cox: “This is the place where an obscure state representative from Fairview can run for governor, communicating by means of a technology with the emblem of a blue bird. But my messages will be of love, inclusion and humor, unlike someone else. Peace on.”

Salt Lake City Mayor Jackie Biskupski: “This is the place that will become one of the most exciting regions for diversity, entertainment, dance clubs, bars and interesting restaurants — all because the church spent over $2 billion on an outdoor mall. Praise the Lord!”

Congressman Ben McAdams: “This is the place for political balance. It’s always healthy to have a mix of moderate political views. (That’s my story and I’m stickin’ with it. And, yes, I’ve rejected all invitations to join The Squad.)"

Congressman Rob Bishop: "This is the place where young men dressed as bees will hit leather balls with wooden sticks on a field of grass. I see me watching them while drinking gallons of some beverage called Diet Dr. Pepper.”

Congressman John Curtis: "This is the place where roads will be covered with tar, without bumps and holes, that allow for speedy and smooth operation of motorized bicycles — useful in escaping the insanity of Washington, D.C.”

Congressman Chris Stewart: “This is the place of great storytelling opportunities among our people. This will include fictional tales of spies, jet fighters and miracles about our country's founding. Better yet, folks will pay to read them. What a place!”

Pignanelli & Webb: This is the place where a curmudgeonly lobbyist/lawyer and a chicken farmer former journalist can spout nonsense about the dark arts of politics that some people actually read. We appreciate the pioneer traits of patience, forgiveness and redemption among our readers.