The streets will be crawling with princesses, pirates and monsters Tuesday night, zombies and vampires mingling with superheroes on porches across America. But there’s a conversation parents should have with their children — especially the younger or more sensitive ones — as they undertake the annual tradition of Halloween trick-or-treating.
It’s hard to predict exactly who — or what — the kids will encounter, from cute or frightening yard decorations to people who look like a Hollywood version of horror. And while frightening can be lots of fun, children have different tolerance levels or understanding of what’s make-believe.
Americans are frightfully excited about Halloween, the second-most consumer friendly holiday, according to America Haunts, a national organization of haunted attractions. It estimates there are more than 1,200 haunted attractions charging admission nationwide, while more than 300 amusement parks and fun centers deck out for Halloween and at least 3,000 charity events center on the day. There’s fearsome competition to provide a scary good time.
The question is, how scary is too scary and can fun veer to genuinely frightening?
The key is ensuring that the fear remains within the realm of make-believe and entertainment, without causing any real harm or lasting trauma, says attorney C.L. Mike Schmidt, who divides his time between Dallas and Santa Fe, New Mexico. He’s a dad who has watched his own kids, grandkids and others embrace the occasion.
Schmidt thinks Halloween is pretty unique in prompting children to “explore their imagination and push the boundaries of their comfort zone just a little bit.”
But some of Halloween’s most popular features have the potential to terrify younger or sensitive kids. “It’s all about ensuring that the scares remain a playful and enjoyable part of the Halloween experience,” he says.
That’s also where the upfront conversation comes in.
A thrilling cocktail
One of the country’s leading experts on fear, Margee Kerr of the University of Pittsburgh, has noted a “significantly higher mood” that follows being in an “extreme” haunted house environment.
Here’s how she explained the fun side of fear to the Deseret News in an earlier article: “When you go through something scary, but safe — roller coaster, haunted house, a scary movie — studies indicate that ‘surviving’ it leaves individuals feeling more accomplished. And there are social benefits. Doing something fun but scary with family and friends builds stronger social bonds.”
That thrill seeking and being scared can be fun make sense if you break it down neurochemically, says Margaret Cochran, a transpersonal psychologist and licensed clinical social worker in San Jose, California. It’s a chemical reaction, she told the Deseret News.
“When you are scared, there is a specific chemical cascade that occurs. Your sympathetic nervous system signals your adrenal glands to release adrenaline. Once that’s happened, your heart rate goes up, your peripheral blood vessels are restricted and your blood supply is diverted to your muscles to facilitate rapid movement,” she says.
Plus, you get goosebumps.
“If that wasn’t enough, your cortisol — often referred to as the stress hormone — levels increase and your blood pressure goes up, as does your blood glucose to prepare your body to move quickly or react with great strength,” she adds.
Cochran says that as the prefrontal cortex — the reasoning part of the brain — figures out there’s no real danger in those theme parks and scary movies and frightening costumes abounding this time of year, a rush of dopamine creates a sense of pleasure. Then comes a flood of oxytocin, the ”feel-good” hormone. “That’s one powerful cocktail,” she says.
It’s not the scary part that thrill-seekers enjoy, per Cochran, but the after-fright rush of pleasure.
Cochran points out that the chemical reaction does not occur — and it doesn’t feel like fun — if the scary stuff is too scary or not scary enough.
Age really matters. Little kids can find “thrills” in simple, friendly ghost stories or mildly spooky decorations, Schmidt says. Tolerance grows as the kids age. But it’s up to parents to figure out what’s fun and what’s not and prepare their children — especially the young ones — for decorations, costumes and characters that might be distressing.
A child’s personality is very important, too. “Some people love being scared because they feel pride in being able to navigate and face fear. Others most decidedly do not,” says Cochran.
Preparing so it’s fun
Schmidt likens Halloween hijinks to a “controlled, temporary escape from our everyday lives, allowing us to experience the excitement of the unknown.”
Education and child development expert Maria Shaheen, of Atlanta, Georgia, senior director of early childhood education at Primrose Schools, has advice for parents as they help their children navigate Halloween.
It’s a time of year when children are “more likely to be exposed to dark or scary images. Even things we might not consider so dark, such as a carved pumpkin, can be frightening for some,” she says, noting children might be scared when an inanimate object has a face. “Does it talk? Can it see me?”
She suggests parents take a few simple steps to keep things fun, whether a child is sensitive to scary things or not. Among her advice:
- Let the child decide — or at least help decide — what to be for Halloween.
- Talk about real versus make-believe and encourage imagination. “Imaginative play or make-believe can lead to creative thinking,” she says, noting that such conversations “help children create age-appropriate boundaries between reality and fantasy while still encouraging higher-level creative thinking.”
- Answer questions honestly, in age-appropriate ways. “At this time of year, it’s common for young children to see images that might be too mature for them. You don’t have to go into detail about what Halloween images are trying to depict; you can simply say, ‘Those are decorations, because sometimes people think it’s fun to be a little scared. But they are just pretend — see, it’s plastic,’” she says.
Shaheen believes those conversations with a child are crucial. “We don’t want to diminish the fear, because it’s real, but we do want to put the fear into context with other things that are less fearful,” she says.
Joel A. Dvoskin, a Tucson-area psychologist and dad, is not a fan of scaring children. The clinical assistant professor at the University of Arizona College of Medicine told the Deseret News that the effect of fright on children is not a specific area he’s studied, so he’s wearing his dad hat and commenting, too, based on clinical experience, but not data. He wouldn’t deliberately push children into situations to frighten them.
If kids know it’s a scary movie or make-believe, that’s one thing, he says. It’s another entirely if you “actually scare them. I can’t think of any reason why that would be good but lots of reasons why that would be bad.”
There are enough traumatic experiences in life without making them up, so it’s important to warn children about what they might see and that it’s not real, he says.
If children aren’t given a realistic context for make-believe scares, they might struggle to assess threats or become more likely to misinterpret someone as hostile, dangerous or aggressive, Dvoskin says. When the brain’s in fight-or-flight mode, resources are directed to reaction and sensible thoughts take a back seat, which can lead to an exaggerated response.
Let kids set the pace
The good news is most people won’t react that way to a scary movie or visiting a haunted house. What is clear is how important it is to prepare children for what they might see. And Dvoskin suggests shielding very young children from Halloween frights.
“Pay attention to the child’s reaction,” Dvoskin counsels. “If the child reacts and believes there’s a threat, I would intervene and reiterate it’s not real or get them out of there.”
Cochran says parents should not force a frightened child to trick-or-treat or answer the door to others. And she warns that children younger than 6 have difficulty sorting out fantasy from reality.
“Talk about the fact their older siblings may dress up for Halloween and show them the costumes,” she says. “Talk about make-believe and costumes, including masks, in that context.”
If children are fearful or balk at participating, don’t make them. Instead, let them move at their own pace, she says. It might be good to pick up your nervous child or hold his hand when you answer the door to trick-or-treaters. Sometimes it helps to let younger children help hand out the treats.
If that’s still too much, give them something enjoyable to do somewhere else in the house. Later, they may be curious. Include them again, but in ways that feel safe — like peeking past furniture or holding your hand.
“Do not allow older children to make fun of their younger sibling’s fear,” Cochran says.