Over the last week, the citizens of America have lived through the beginning 30 minutes of every alien invasion movie.
It started with the Chinese spy balloon spotted hovering above a number of states and shot down over the ocean off the coast of South Carolina.
Since then, every 48 hours or so, a new object has been spotted and subsequently shot down from the sky.
For a while, it felt as though we may have become a bit trigger-happy, and nary a rogue helium-filled balloon escaped from a child’s birthday party was safe in our airspace. If it was floating, we were shooting.
But then, government officials did something very un-government-official of them and declared they did not know exactly what these objects were or where they came from.
Pentagon spokesman Brigadier Gen. Pat Ryder also said he could not categorize how the objects were staying afloat.
It’s usually at this point in alien invasion movies when the television signal starts to cut out and the news reports on additional sightings are interrupted by long periods of static.
So everyone packs up their most essential belongings, hops in their car, and sits in miles of traffic on the interstate, honking their horn in the very specific frustration of being unable to flee an urban center that is minutes away from an extraterrestrial attack.
But here in life outside of cinema, our preparation for potential alien visitors has been significantly less dramatic.
Instead of packing our belongings and heading for the hills, these objects that seem to defy both gravity and explanation are being met with “Huh” and “OK” and “What did you think of Rihanna’s halftime show?”
This could be because the static hasn’t hit our televisions yet, or because after half a decade of “unprecedented events,” we just don’t have the energy to panic anymore.
If we are, in fact, in the midst of an alien invasion, what are we supposed to do about it? Throw random household objects in the air in hopes we hit the mothership?
Honestly, I think most of us have been expecting an extraterrestrial visit for a while now. It feels like the next logical thing after a global pandemic. We’re ready to just let it happen.
Honestly, in my opinion, we should be so lucky.
These objects being alien really seems like the best possible outcome. Alternative explanations range from boring (space debris, hobby balloon) to terrifying (foreign adversaries increasing their spying capabilities).
And if these other-worldly visitors are capable of creating octagonal and pill-shaped crafts without obvious propulsion systems, they are clearly more technologically advanced than us. And what do they have to gain from incinerating our planet? If anything, I believe this is a friendly visitation. So aliens looking to expand their social network. We might do well to befriend them and possibly learn from their advanced ways.
What if they have a spill-proof method for packaging flour? They’re likely way beyond the need for toilet paper. They might even have clothes dryers that self-clean the lint filters. Not to mention they’ve probably solved climate change and found interplanetary peace. These are all things they could teach us.
So, maybe, instead of shooting, we could consider doing our best to impress the potential visitors. Organize a planet clean-up real quick. Shine the Eiffel Tower and dust off the pyramids. Add a few more miles to the Great Wall of China. Make this place really sparkle.
We could also throw together a PowerPoint of our greatest accomplishments as a species— Hoover Dam, microchips, the Shamwow, etc., and have it playing on a loop on a digital billboard in Times Square, just in case the aliens need any convincing that we’re worth befriending.
This could be our chance to make some cool new friends. Let’s not blow it (shoot it down).