ATLANTA — In the days and even hours leading up to the Utah Jazz’s game against the Atlanta Hawks on Tuesday night, John Collins was calm, cool and collected.
“I have a lot of fond memories here and I’ve got a lot of love in this arena,” Collins said on Tuesday morning. “But I’m trying to come to work. Gonna try and do my thing tonight. I want to play the best basketball I can and put on a show for everybody and have fun.”
Walking into State Farm Arena and into the opposing locker room for a morning shootaround was one thing. But coming into the building full of fans, to play on the court for the first time in a different jersey, with the fans chanting his name, against players who had been his brothers for years, was completely different.
“I was a little aware that it was going to be very emotional for me,” Collins said after the game, holding back tears. “And I was trying to do my best to not let it … but it did.”
It got to him, and understandably so.
All of the emotions of the six years spent with the Atlanta Hawks, all of the emotions of how things ended in Atlanta and the struggles of finding himself on a new team, all of the emotions of seeing his time in Atlanta strung together in a tribute video, all of the emotions of hearing the fans chant “we still love you,” and of trying to make it mean something for the future all came to a head at what was seemingly the most inopportune time — during the game.
“Very emotional,” Collins said. “A lot of love from the fans and the city. Good to receive it, hard to calm down sometimes when you’re getting that much love. It’s amazing to get, but not ideal for game time.”
Collins tried his best to push all of those feelings to the side, but ultimately was unable to. In a show of vulnerability and strength, Collins shed tears before, during and after the Jazz’s loss on Tuesday as he reflected on his career to this point.
Collins has been very open about the mental toll he experienced over the last few years he spent in Atlanta. Despite having played his best basketball and being a central part of a team that made it to the Eastern Conference Finals, Collins was in trade rumors for at least three years prior to finally getting traded to the Jazz.
He often felt like he didn’t know what he was doing wrong and was lacking direction on how to improve the situation. But, through it all, he was a consistent fan favorite and a calming influence on many of the Hawks’ young players.
“It’s an honor and makes me proud to know that I left a legacy that people are proud of, that they appreciate me here, and I appreciate them and love them back,” he said. “Love is something that I’m always open to receiving, especially from the fans that saw me from the start.”
On this night, it was coincidentally the first night the Jazz were facing former head coach Quin Snyder, now coach of the Hawks, and it’s striking how the stories of Collins and Snyder share so many similarities.
Snyder, while coaching the Jazz for eight years, saw his family grow and experienced his most successful coaching years before seeing that the team was headed down a different kind of path.
The memories of how his family was impacted, how much personal growth he experienced and how much he was able to coach an incredible team are forever going to be with him.
When Collins was asked what was most memorable from his time with the Hawks, his answer was similar.
“Outside of just growing here as a man, becoming a man here, I feel like I gotta say the playoff runs,” Collins said. “Playing meaningful basketball for the city, being able to win at the highest level.”
Now, both Collins and Snyder find themselves in situations where they want to be able to repeat their former success, but it’s not really in their control.
Snyder’s Hawks team has been plagued with injuries and construction issues all season long. He certainly wants to win, but he’s tasked with getting the most out of the team in front of him.
Collins, who definitely wants to have more opportunities at post-season runs, is on a Jazz team that is thinking more about future success than they are about short-term success.
Both of those situations create new challenges for Snyder and Collins. And on Tuesday night, the emotions of trying to navigate those new challenges were compounded by the gratitude Collins felt and the outpouring of love he received.
“Completely changes how you look at things, your outlook, your perspective you have on basketball,” Collins said. “Where you are, what you have … gives me a lot of perspective and it’s helping me grow, learn and become a better pro. It’s nice to know that what I did worked and I’m going to continue to do that here.”