One of the biggest headlines for the opening of the Avengers Campus at Disney California Adventure Park was about a sandwich.
Specifically, the Quantum-sized Pym-ini Sandwich served at the Pym Test Kitchen, which costs a cool $100.
When details of the sandwich emerged, several headlines centered around the fact that it would cost $100. Anyone who has criticized Disney for its prices immediately used it as ammunition.
However, the sandwich isn’t meant to be eaten by just one person. In fact, it serves six to eight people and is meant for family members to eat together when they’re at California Adventure.
Again, the sandwich was not meant to be eaten by just one person.
But I thought differently.
Since the park opened, I had this hunger for the Pym-ini Sandwich. I thought it’d be a great idea to chow down the sandwich and eat it all without help. So on a recent visit to Disneyland for a press event, I decided to finally try the beast of a sandwich and attempt to eat it by myself.
Here’s the story of one man trying to tackle a sandwich meant for six.
It was hot. I was soaked in sweat. The sun glistened down from the sky above and scorched all of us beneath it. I waited in line outside of California Adventure, counting down the seconds until the 1 p.m. deadline, where my park-hopper pass would let me and my girlfriend inside for the day.
We made our way toward the Avengers Campus. We passed by the new WandaVision station, where you can snap photos on a sitcom-themed couch. We moved by the wings from “The Falcon and the Winter Soldier.” We remarked about the new “Guardians of the Galaxy” ride and how it pushed away from the iconic Tower of Terror.
When we reached the Avengers campus, the hit Marvel music swirled around us. The themes of superheroes kicking trash swelled in the air.
My mission was certain. Finish the Pym-ini Sandwich by myself.
I had placed an order for it earlier in the day. I knew 1:30 p.m. PST would be the perfect time to try it out. I starved myself all day so I knew I would have time to try it out and be hungry enough to consume the massive goliath.
Like any superhero, you have to know your villain.
I went up to the door, ready to enter to pick up my mobile order. A woman stopped me. She asked if I had my order number. I opened my app, but it was glitched.
She blamed the quantum realm. Clever.
I refreshed my app and closed out of all my other apps — a solid 20 apps were open at the time — before finding the order number. She told me I needed to wait until I got the green light.
Like an Avenger, I waited for my moment.
We found some seats in the open area of the Pym Test Kitchen restaurant, which was baking in the sun.
The green light flashed. Time to battle.
I handed my receipt to the woman at the register and a massive sandwich arrived on a tray. Eight slices. Each one is packed with pastrami, meat and toasted bread. A bowl of marinara sauce sat on the side, a green veggie salad right beside it.
And then, next to the tray, sat another villain I had not anticipated.
So we’re talking eight slices of sandwich, a bowl of tater tots, a bowl of marinara sauce and a salad all for one man.
I could do this all day.
My girlfriend was sitting next to a family of six, who talked to us about the park and what their experience was like there. I joined her with the sandwich. One of the family members, who resembled the late Marvel creator Stan Lee, begged for a slice if I couldn’t finish it.
The first bite was serene. Pure magic as though Wanda Maximoff had created it herself. The Avengers soundtrack swelled around me. With each bite, I felt the weight of a superhero (though in food particles, no muscles). It took time. I worked through the first slice, chomping my way through the sandwich as though it was something to savor, something to keep around forever.
When it was done, I saw seven slices remaining. My stomach became a rock.
But with Hulk-like strength, I gathered all I could to lift a second slice. Dipping it in the marinara sauce, I traveled down the road again, eating each delicious bite as though it were my only one. I slipped in a few tater tots for good measure, knowing I should switch it up if I wanted to survive the mission.
The second slice left me stone-cold stunned, stuck to the ground as though I were Mjölnir.
My mission had failed.
I couldn’t do another slice. It was too powerful. Too much deliciousness of meat, sauce and bread. The perfect combination for any family or friend.
But for me, two slices were all I could do.
Defeated, I leaned back in my seat. I looked to the heavens above, wondering if Thor or Loki were watching down on me. Or if He Who Remains was having himself a laugh over my defeat.
I turned back to the sandwich. The music from “Black Panther” blared out of the Avengers Campus. An actress playing Black Widow waved from above. The family next to us talked to my girlfriend about the park hopper passes.
Though I had lost, I learned something more important. Sometimes, you go into a fight thinking you can master it without knowing your enemy. You think defeating the sandwich will be the most important part of your adventure. But no — the true blessing was being surrounded by good friends, music and love.
By the time our stomachs were full, Stan Lee and the family had left. So we packed up the leftovers and brought them home. There were enough slices to last three more meals.
One day I’ll be back to defeat this sandwich. I’ll bring an entire family if I need to.
Like the Avengers did against Thanos, I will avenge my loss.
Whatever it takes.