SALT LAKE CITY — Several years ago, Barry Curtis had a spiritual experience in which he felt called by God to become a pastor.
But most of the men in his family were optometrists. The future senior pastor at Wasatch Hills Seventh-day Adventist Church wasn’t sure how his father and others might react.
Pastor Curtis remembers well their conversation and the unexpected way his father responded. Not only did things work out, but the father-son moment became a treasured memory.
“That was my most powerful experience with my dad — him not telling me what he thought I should do,” he said.
Pastor Curtis is one of several Utah faith leaders who will honor their fathers and other positive male influences this Father’s Day weekend.
The Deseret News spoke with leaders of various faiths and asked them to share a meaningful experience or lesson they learned from their fathers or an influential male person in their lives. Here’s what they shared.
Senior Pastor Barry Curtis
It started with his great-grandfather, who began as a preacher and switched to optometry. Then his grandfather moved from teaching to become an optometrist. His father and uncle followed suit and also became optometrists.
So it was no real surprise when Barry Curtis grew up with the idea of becoming the next optometrist in the family.
“I just figured that’s the thing to do,” he said. “There’s already a family practice with my last name on the sign. That’s who I am.”
But even as the young man worked in his father’s clinic and studied pre-optometry in college, his heart wasn’t in it. He lost interest and began to struggle academically.
At the same time, Pastor Curtis became more serious about his faith and was involved as a leader and teacher in his church.
One day while fishing he poured out his soul to God.
“Finally I just kind of screamed into the wind, ‘What do you want me to do?’” he said. “I felt a strong impression that God was telling me to ‘Feed my sheep.’”
Then came the hard part. How to break the news to his father, grandfather and uncle who were expecting him to be the next family optometrist?
“I look back on that and find that to be an incredible gift that my dad gave me because he stayed out of the way of what he thought I should be, and let God and I work it out.” — Barry Curtis
When Barry Curtis told his father, Alden Curtis didn’t seem upset, but questioned him three times on different occasions, “Are you sure this is what you want to do?” When the son repeatedly confirmed it was, his father surprised him.
“Well good, because I’ve always thought you should be a pastor,” his father said. “But I wanted God to call you to do it instead of me.”
The experience taught Pastor Curtis a powerful lesson, he said.
“When you go into a life of ministry, you face a lot of challenges. The pay isn’t great. There would be a lot of times to second guess yourself if you just did what your dad thought you should do. But when you know you’re doing what God wants you to do, then you’re willing to face anything, you are up to the challenges because God has asked you to do it,” the pastor said.
“I look back on that and find that to be an incredible gift that my dad gave me because he stayed out of the way of what he thought I should be, and let God and I work it out.”
Rabbi Samuel L. Spector
The best advice Rabbi Samuel L. Spector, of Congregation Kol Ami, ever received from his father came after a pretty girl broke his 17-year-old heart for the first time.
“One day she decided kind of out of the blue, ‘Oh, I don’t like this guy any more, I’m done with him,’” the rabbi said. “I was devastated.”
Feeling his son’s pain, Rabbi Spector’s father, Gary Spector, a successful pediatrician in Seattle, told his son that far too many of his male patients get dumped by a girlfriend, become depressed and lose their direction in life. Then came the lesson.
“If you do something like that,” his father said, “all you are doing is showing that person that she was right not to be with you because you threw your life away for her. The best way to respond to someone who has hurt you in life is to go on, be happy and be successful. Make something of yourself.”
That advice has always stayed with Rabbi Spector.
“Every time I’ve had to face adversity, a setback or somebody didn’t give me a chance, I’ve always pushed myself to overcome, to make something of myself, to be a happy and successful person,” he said. “Instead of people looking back and saying something like, ‘I’m glad I didn’t hire him,’ I want people to look back on me and say, ‘Wow, that guy really turned out to do some amazing things. Maybe I was too quick to judge.’”
The Rev. Elizabeth McVicker
The Rev. Elizabeth McVicker, the pastor of First United Methodist Church and Centenary United Methodist Church, was born in Burma (now Myanmar) to parents who were Methodists. Her “daddy,” Samuel Soo Lam Tay, was very dear to her, she said.
“Because he was so humble, his gifts and character were overlooked by most people,” the Rev. McVicker said. “But he taught me that personal integrity is much more valuable than worldly success.”
The Very Rev. Martin Diaz
When asked about his father, what immediately came to mind for The Very Rev. Martin Diaz of the Cathedral of the Madeleine was an experience that happened when he was in the sixth grade.
His father, John Diaz, was a sixth grade teacher at another school. Near the end of the year, young Martin was helping his father clean up his classroom when he found the teacher’s edition of the mathematics text book. He began flipping through the pages and discovered it contained all the answers.
“What?!” he said to his father. “You have all the answers?”
John Diaz said he never brought the book home because he didn’t want his son to know it had the answers. The Rev. Diaz has never forgotten the lesson.
“That is a very caring father. For my development and my growth, not taking the easy path, but that he would inconvenience himself and do all his lesson preparation at school rather than bring it home,” the faith leader said. “There are so many, many things that I admired about my father, but that’s one personally that happened to me that shows how much he looked out for the other person.”
Pastor Steve Aeschbacher
Pastor Steve Aeschbacher, interim senior pastor at First Presbyterian Church, said what he remembers most about his father, Bill Aeschbacher, is “a firm gentleness and humor.”
“He was smart but didn’t rub your nose in it,” Pastor Aeschbacher said. “He shared what he loved to do but didn’t insist on his own way. He was always available to toss a ball or go golfing or to talk.”
Looking back, Pastor Aeschbacher is grateful for one experience his father orchestrated that helped him grow.
The summer after young Steve turned 15 years old, he got a job working for one of his father’s high school friends, but it was on a ranch in the Sandhills of Nebraska, more than 1,000 miles from their Ohio home. He had zero ranch qualifications and had never sat behind the wheel of a tractor. But he went anyway and he’s glad he did.
“Obviously I was not the qualified person to hire. Eventually I realized how many strings my dad must have pulled to make this happen,” he said. “I got a job, a set of life-shaping experiences, chances to grow and stretch, and a connection to my past and the land that I never would have gotten — all because my dad convinced his old friend to risk hiring me. I’m very grateful.”
The Rev. Oscar T. Moses
After working as a Chicago police officer, the Rev. Oscar T. Moses, now the pastor at Calvary Baptist Church, followed his grandfather, the Rev. Joseph A. Allen, into the ministry. During the Rev. Allen’s 41 years of faith leadership, he fought three battles with cancer. How this man of faith faced his personal adversity inspired his grandson.
“I’ve watched him not only serve the people, but I watched the sacrifices he made, and I’ve watched the exercise of his faith. I watched his faith in times of trials and tribulation,” Pastor Moses said last February. “His faith demonstration was that of confidence that Christ and God would bring him through. At those difficult times he sang louder and prayed harder. He was a bastion of hope and faith.”
Pastor Jim Harris
Pastor Jim Harris, of Calvary Salt Lake, was only 11 years old when his father died.
“Even at a young age, my father impacted my life by passing on the importance of good work ethic and always being respectful to others,” Pastor Harris said. “These two attributes have molded me into the man I am today.”
In light of recent events, the lesson of respecting others has never been more relevant.
“Because we all have different views and opinions doesn’t mean we are all bigots and racists,” he said. “We need to come together and dialog with one another realizing that we may never agree with one another 100%, but we can surely agree to disagree peacefully.”
President Russell M. Nelson
President Russell M. Nelson, president of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, was not raised in an active Latter-day Saint home, but he loved his parents, according to his biography, “Insights of a Prophet’s Life.” His father was Marion C. Nelson.
“Every night was family home evening,” President Nelson said. “Daddy may have been smoking a cigar, but it was family home evening nonetheless.”
In another biography, “Russell M. Nelson: Father, Surgeon, Apostle,” President Nelson expressed appreciation for how his father made time for his children. They enjoyed annual vacations, baseball at Liberty Park and fishing outings.
Education was high priority. When young Russell ran for student body office in junior high, Marion Nelson helped with his campaign speech, but only after he had started writing it himself.
“Daddy wouldn’t lift a pencil until I’d made the effort,” President Nelson said.
Decades later in 1977, shortly after Marion Nelson’s 80th birthday, President Nelson ordained his father an elder in the Melchizedek Priesthood and the Nelson family was sealed together in the Provo Utah Temple. It was the fulfillment of a lifelong dream, President Nelson noted.